Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 20 of 27

Thread: Depression in a 10yo

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2015
    Location
    Northern Indiana
    Posts
    1,196

    Default Depression in a 10yo

    My 9yo turns 10 tomorrow but has been acting depressed for the past few weeks. I have three older sons so I know part of it is normal hormones but when I tried talking to him he said heís jut not sure where he fits right now. Behaviorally heís more like a 7 or 8 year old and he just recently became fluent in reading.

    He feels left out of things at our co-op because thereís no class he fits into. I had him in my Prima Latina class but he refused to do the work for it during the week so I took him out of the class. We already have enough push back over ďhow longĒ school takes. So he does independent SC3 work, draws, plays a bit with the preschoolers and runs around with his friends when theyíre on breaks. Apparently one of his younger friends asked him yesterday why he wasnít in their class and then said ďOh, yeah. Itís because you canít read.Ē He corrected them that he can read but it bothered him.

    He often refuses to go outside (he used to beg to), spends hours on end working on paper and cardboard projects, and does school only after being ďgluedĒ to me for awhile (nothing new there). Iíve been taking the kids on nature outings after co-op each week and I made sure everyone has everything they need for any type of weather so they can go outside during the week even when itís cold. But he often refuses to go outside now.

    We took him off dairy about a month and a half ago and it made HUGE changes in his behavior. But then this depressed patch started. I spoke with his OT about what was happening and she started targeting some emotion-boosting therapy exercise.

    What else can we do? He could sail through the first part of SC3 but he wonít put in the extra work. I tried giving him a pep talk but he flat out said ďI donít care.Ē
    Jennifer

    2017-2018
    DS-13 & DS-14 (mix of 6M & 8M)
    DS-11 (5M)
    DS-9 (SC2)
    DD-7 (MP1)
    DD-5 (SC1)
    DD-3 (Preschool)

    2018-2019
    DS-14 & DS-15 (MP9 Literature, Novare Intro to Physics, Light to the Nations I (CTP), MPOA for: Latin, Algebra I, Ref/Con
    DS-12 (6M)
    DS-10 (SC3)
    DD-8 (MP2)
    DD-6 (SC2)
    DD-3 (NT using SCB for gradual intro to JrK)

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Posts
    2,252

    Default Re: Depression in a 10yo

    Good morning, Jen. It seems as if you might have a two-fold problem. First, external: He started co-op and then was pulled after only a week. I remember from this discussion that he really wanted to be in that class. This could be very discouraging to him. He may understand the consequence of not doing the work, but he may not know why he does not do the work assigned to him. Second, internal: He may be struggling with genuinely not feeling good or energetic. This might be an issue for a good pediatrician to address.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2015
    Location
    Northern Indiana
    Posts
    1,196

    Default Re: Depression in a 10yo

    Quote Originally Posted by cherylswope View Post
    Good morning, Jen. It seems as if you might have a two-fold problem. First, external: He started co-op and then was pulled after only a week. I remember from this discussion that he really wanted to be in that class. This could be very discouraging to him. He may understand the consequence of not doing the work, but he may not know why he does not do the work assigned to him. Second, internal: He may be struggling with genuinely not feeling good or energetic. This might be an issue for a good pediatrician to address.
    Yes, I pulled him after the second week. He didnít want to do the homework and I didnít need another thing to fight him about when it wasnít central to his core. I could put him back in the class, but if he doesnít do the homework he wonít be prepared for recitations and games and such. If everyone else in the class is participating and knows the vocabulary, wonít he feel worse? He recently refuses to go to soccer practice for two weeks so the coach benched him for most of the game. That triggered a renewed effort. Iím not sure if that will work in school though.

    ETA: he said he doesnít know why he didnít want to do the Latin work, but usually his refusals to do school work are because ďit takes too longĒ ó even though his total school time is only 1-1/2 hours and thatís split by numerous breaks.
    Last edited by jen1134; 10-09-2018 at 09:41 AM.
    Jennifer

    2017-2018
    DS-13 & DS-14 (mix of 6M & 8M)
    DS-11 (5M)
    DS-9 (SC2)
    DD-7 (MP1)
    DD-5 (SC1)
    DD-3 (Preschool)

    2018-2019
    DS-14 & DS-15 (MP9 Literature, Novare Intro to Physics, Light to the Nations I (CTP), MPOA for: Latin, Algebra I, Ref/Con
    DS-12 (6M)
    DS-10 (SC3)
    DD-8 (MP2)
    DD-6 (SC2)
    DD-3 (NT using SCB for gradual intro to JrK)

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Posts
    2,252

    Default Re: Depression in a 10yo

    Yes, the solution now would not be this: putting him back only to need to pull him again.

    From your soccer example, clearly something is going on. It is not merely academic work, although he is struggling with academic work in concentration, motivation, or both. You might revisit your EF/ADHD research, but some in-person help would also be good.
    Last edited by cherylswope; 10-09-2018 at 09:48 AM.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2015
    Location
    Northern Indiana
    Posts
    1,196

    Default Re: Depression in a 10yo

    Just made an appt with his pediatrician for next Tuesday.
    Jennifer

    2017-2018
    DS-13 & DS-14 (mix of 6M & 8M)
    DS-11 (5M)
    DS-9 (SC2)
    DD-7 (MP1)
    DD-5 (SC1)
    DD-3 (Preschool)

    2018-2019
    DS-14 & DS-15 (MP9 Literature, Novare Intro to Physics, Light to the Nations I (CTP), MPOA for: Latin, Algebra I, Ref/Con
    DS-12 (6M)
    DS-10 (SC3)
    DD-8 (MP2)
    DD-6 (SC2)
    DD-3 (NT using SCB for gradual intro to JrK)

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Posts
    2,252

    Default Re: Depression in a 10yo

    Sounds good. I'm sorry you are going through this. Bring your bullet-point list of symptoms. Try to narrow to your greatest concerns. Your son will likely be with you, so be sure to prepare your "speech" carefully ahead of time. Let us know --

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Location
    Denver Area, CO
    Posts
    1,905

    Default Re: Depression in a 10yo

    FWIW: My oldestís transition from 9 to 10 was really tough. And I remember at the time thinking he was the same age I was when I started to feel the first bout of what became depression in my older years. So I watched him like a hawk. After some fits and starts, he leveled out. It just took time and patience. We loved on him through it all but my husband and I were both very firm about expectations, behavior and responsibility.

    9 is tough. Youíre not a tween, but youíre not little. Youíre growing up, navigating new waters, waking up intellectually to a lot of realities, your body is changing, your friends are changing, your perception of the world is different. Itís a lot of adjustment.

    Part of refusal to do work at this stage is also a refusal to leave the safety of childhood. It can feel really scary. He knows he canít be a baby, likely he doesnít want to be, but heís not ready for true responsibility. So he just sits down and does nothing while he tries to figure it out.

    Give him some space but keep encouraging him to try new things. With consistency and (some tough) love, he will find his way.
    Boy Wonder: 10, MP2/SC4 (Special Needs)
    Joy Bubble: 8, MP2 (Special Needs)
    Snuggly Cowboy: 6, MPK
    Sweet Lightness: 2, Reverse-Engineering Specialist

    ďHave no fear of moving into the unknown. Simply step out fearlessly knowing that I am with you, therefore no harm can befall you; all is very, very well. Do this in complete faith and confidence.Ē
    ~Pope St John Paul II

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Posts
    2,252

    Default Re: Depression in a 10yo

    Btw, be sure to mention that he was not only removed from the co-op but also that you removed all dairy about a week before all of this began. In addition to recommending possible further evaluation, the pediatrician might want to address some things that are in his realm, such as testing for allergies, supplementing with calcium or magnesium, finding a soothing food substitute, etc. as he/she explores possible factors or solutions.

    In the meantime, see if you can conduct a private interview with your son to see if anything seems "fun" to him. If you can find something, it might be worth adding to the upcoming weekend. Unless you think all of his behavior is manipulative, it could help him to have something to look forward to. Just speaking from experience with my son when he is in a downward pull.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Posts
    2,252

    Default Re: Depression in a 10yo

    Quote Originally Posted by Anita View Post
    FWIW: My oldestís transition from 9 to 10 was really tough. And I remember at the time thinking he was the same age I was when I started to feel the first bout of what became depression in my older years. So I watched him like a hawk. After some fits and starts, he leveled out. It just took time and patience. We loved on him through it all but my husband and I were both very firm about expectations, behavior and responsibility.

    9 is tough. Youíre not a tween, but youíre not little. Youíre growing up, navigating new waters, waking up intellectually to a lot of realities, your body is changing, your friends are changing, your perception of the world is different. Itís a lot of adjustment.

    Part of refusal to do work at this stage is also a refusal to leave the safety of childhood. It can feel really scary. He knows he canít be a baby, likely he doesnít want to be, but heís not ready for true responsibility. So he just sits down and does nothing while he tries to figure it out.

    Give him some space but keep encouraging him to try new things. With consistency and (some tough) love, he will find his way.
    Yes. I noticed the age too. Good point, Anita. This age began my son's toughest years, as peers seemed to leave him behind emotionally, socially, and in general maturation. He WILL feel better if he begins to accomplish some work, so do not be afraid to require it. He may appreciate your stamina, even if he feels he has none.

    He may also be missing your husband, Jen, if the new work arrangement is still in effect. He might even be testing the new arrangement with Dad not so readily available to be the "bottom line" for work completion. Much to consider. Stay strong in your love for him above all else. You are on his side. You want him to succeed. You want him to have good, loving relationships and good, mutual friendships. You may feel swamped yourself, but you can assure him that you will see him through this. I have noticed over the years that this seems to comfort my children more than anything.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Aug 2015
    Location
    Noth Park Colorado
    Posts
    907

    Default Re: Depression in a 10yo

    Quote Originally Posted by cherylswope View Post
    Sounds good. I'm sorry you are going through this. Bring your bullet-point list of symptoms. Try to narrow to your greatest concerns. Your son will likely be with you, so be sure to prepare your "speech" carefully ahead of time. Let us know --
    This is a really good point. I'm very protective of discussing all of my concerns in front of my child. I don't want to create a self-fulfilling prophecy. This might be a good opportunity to email the doc some of your bulleted concerns ahead of the appt. This can help the doc ask some very direct questions without having to pry...they'll know to ask how soccer is going, for example.

    You may recall my son, 10.5 now, was flagged for depressive thoughts and behaviors at about this time last time. So, yes, there's something to this age. It concerned me enough to start behavioral talk-therapy for him. We made some lifestyle and schedule adjustments and things have improved greatly this year.
    We have much more cushion in the schedule.

    My son is also very upset about how long everything takes and how many subjects he has. Anita's point about not being little, but not being big, is spot on. He doesn't want to be a kindergartner, but he sure doesn't think he should have to do anymore schoolwork than his little sister either.

    He's also not sure what he should do with his free-time...play with toys? Run around outside? Tackle his giant stuffed panda? That could be your son's issue with going outside...he's not sure what to do out there anymore. The things he used to do are little boy things. What does a big boy do outside? It might be time for some new outdoor things that are reserved for big boys...stilts, pogo hoppers, a basketball hoop, a zip-line, archery, etc.
    Married to DH for 13 years. Living the rural life in the Colorado mountains

    DS10- Simply Classical 4 / Grade 3 Classic Core,
    DD8- Grade 2 Classic Core,
    DD 6- Classic Core Kindergarten

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Jun 2015
    Location
    Northern Indiana
    Posts
    1,196

    Default Re: Depression in a 10yo

    We went to the pediatrician this morning. Like all of us were thinking, he thinks thereís a lot of things playing into this. He reinforced the ďmake him go outsideĒ daily thing and recommended some food items known for boosting mood (nuts, DF dark chocolate, etc). He also suggested CBT to help with all the negativity about anything that takes time (he didnít want to brush his teeth this morning because it was hard. I asked him why it was hard and he said it was because it takes too long.) The hope is this would help him be more dedicated with school which would help move him forward which would help with his lack of belonging in academic settings.

    The doctor is referring us for CBT but heís not sure thereís anyone locally who works with children. Does anyone have experience doing CBT at home? My big concern is avoiding anything wish-washy, new age, or influenced by eastern philosophy.
    Jennifer

    2017-2018
    DS-13 & DS-14 (mix of 6M & 8M)
    DS-11 (5M)
    DS-9 (SC2)
    DD-7 (MP1)
    DD-5 (SC1)
    DD-3 (Preschool)

    2018-2019
    DS-14 & DS-15 (MP9 Literature, Novare Intro to Physics, Light to the Nations I (CTP), MPOA for: Latin, Algebra I, Ref/Con
    DS-12 (6M)
    DS-10 (SC3)
    DD-8 (MP2)
    DD-6 (SC2)
    DD-3 (NT using SCB for gradual intro to JrK)

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    Location
    Lafayette, IN
    Posts
    1,428

    Default Re: Depression in a 10yo

    Quote Originally Posted by jen1134 View Post
    We went to the pediatrician this morning. Like all of us were thinking, he thinks thereís a lot of things playing into this. He reinforced the ďmake him go outsideĒ daily thing and recommended some food items known for boosting mood (nuts, DF dark chocolate, etc). He also suggested CBT to help with all the negativity about anything that takes time (he didnít want to brush his teeth this morning because it was hard. I asked him why it was hard and he said it was because it takes too long.) The hope is this would help him be more dedicated with school which would help move him forward which would help with his lack of belonging in academic settings.

    The doctor is referring us for CBT but heís not sure thereís anyone locally who works with children. Does anyone have experience doing CBT at home? My big concern is avoiding anything wish-washy, new age, or influenced by eastern philosophy.
    My son is the same. Anything he perceives to ďtake so longlĒ he has a hard time with...so, life in general! What is CBT? My doctor thought ABA, but I think she got some mis-leading info from the therapy center. We are doing OT, but I am still not sure this is the correct route either. I am SURE he does not get out enough. We need to work on this.
    Christine

    (2018-2019)
    DD1 8/23/09 - SC4
    DS2 9/1/11 - SC2
    DD3 2/9/13 - MPK

    Previous Years
    DD 1 (MPK, SC2 (with AAR), SC3)
    DS2 (SCB, SCC, MPK)
    DD3 (SCA, SCB, Jr. K workbooks, soaking up from the others!)

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Jun 2015
    Location
    Northern Indiana
    Posts
    1,196

    Default Re: Depression in a 10yo

    Quote Originally Posted by howiecram View Post
    My son is the same. Anything he perceives to ďtake so longlĒ he has a hard time with...so, life in general! What is CBT? My doctor thought ABA, but I think she got some mis-leading info from the therapy center. We are doing OT, but I am still not sure this is the correct route either. I am SURE he does not get out enough. We need to work on this.
    CBT stands for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. It addresses faulty/negative thinking.
    Jennifer

    2017-2018
    DS-13 & DS-14 (mix of 6M & 8M)
    DS-11 (5M)
    DS-9 (SC2)
    DD-7 (MP1)
    DD-5 (SC1)
    DD-3 (Preschool)

    2018-2019
    DS-14 & DS-15 (MP9 Literature, Novare Intro to Physics, Light to the Nations I (CTP), MPOA for: Latin, Algebra I, Ref/Con
    DS-12 (6M)
    DS-10 (SC3)
    DD-8 (MP2)
    DD-6 (SC2)
    DD-3 (NT using SCB for gradual intro to JrK)

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Posts
    2,252

    Default Re: Depression in a 10yo

    Jen, you can find printable CBT worksheets for children or use these as templates to make your own. This will let you control the content.

    Just a tip: Watch the worksheets or programs that over-focus on "how this makes me feel," such as those in which the child draws, colors, and hyper-focuses on his sad face, because the child can pull himself further downward in such exploration. Focus instead on the flaws in the thinking, the effects of that thinking, and healthier ways to think.

    Some of the worksheets name the flaws and give little illustrations for children. These can be fun to explore, especially because we find ourselves guilty of modeling them! They can become a good precursor to teaching logical fallacies for the entire family.

  15. #15
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    Louisville, KY
    Posts
    1,472

    Default Re: Depression in a 10yo

    Quote Originally Posted by cherylswope View Post
    Jen, you can find printable CBT worksheets for children or use these as templates to make your own. This will let you control the content.

    Just a tip: Watch the worksheets or programs that over-focus on "how this makes me feel," such as those in which the child draws, colors, and hyper-focuses on his sad face, because the child can pull himself further downward in such exploration. Focus instead on the flaws in the thinking, the effects of that thinking, and healthier ways to think.

    Some of the worksheets name the flaws and give little illustrations for children. These can be fun to explore, especially because we find ourselves guilty of modeling them! They can become a good precursor to teaching logical fallacies for the entire family.
    Love that you pointed this out, Cheryl. I read an article recently about rumination, social media, and adolescents. A prior therapist used to tell me, " Negative thoughts are normal. Identify them, acknowledge them, and move on. Don't dwell."
    DD #1 : 23, college GRADUATE
    DD #2 : 12 MP 7A - HLS Cottage School Louisville, MPOA
    DS #3 : 10, MP3M+Simply Classical4; HLS Cottage School Louisville
    DS #4 : 10, MP3M+Simply Classical4; HLS Cottage School Louisville
    DD #5: 6, MP 1 at HLS
    DS #6: 4, cutest caboose on the loose
    http://www.thekennedyadventures.com

  16. #16
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Location
    Charlottesville, VA
    Posts
    240

    Default Re: Depression in a 10yo

    If somebody finds a good resource for online or at home CBT, please share. It seems there are several of us interested.
    Heidi

    2018-19
    dd- 3m
    ds- SC 1
    dd- SC B

  17. #17
    Join Date
    Jun 2015
    Location
    Northern Indiana
    Posts
    1,196

    Default Re: Depression in a 10yo

    Iím still looking for a general one. I used to have one specifically for anxiety. Iíll link here if I find it.
    Jennifer

    2017-2018
    DS-13 & DS-14 (mix of 6M & 8M)
    DS-11 (5M)
    DS-9 (SC2)
    DD-7 (MP1)
    DD-5 (SC1)
    DD-3 (Preschool)

    2018-2019
    DS-14 & DS-15 (MP9 Literature, Novare Intro to Physics, Light to the Nations I (CTP), MPOA for: Latin, Algebra I, Ref/Con
    DS-12 (6M)
    DS-10 (SC3)
    DD-8 (MP2)
    DD-6 (SC2)
    DD-3 (NT using SCB for gradual intro to JrK)

  18. #18
    Join Date
    Jun 2015
    Location
    Northern Indiana
    Posts
    1,196

    Default Re: Depression in a 10yo

    Heidi, I sent you a PM.
    Jennifer

    2017-2018
    DS-13 & DS-14 (mix of 6M & 8M)
    DS-11 (5M)
    DS-9 (SC2)
    DD-7 (MP1)
    DD-5 (SC1)
    DD-3 (Preschool)

    2018-2019
    DS-14 & DS-15 (MP9 Literature, Novare Intro to Physics, Light to the Nations I (CTP), MPOA for: Latin, Algebra I, Ref/Con
    DS-12 (6M)
    DS-10 (SC3)
    DD-8 (MP2)
    DD-6 (SC2)
    DD-3 (NT using SCB for gradual intro to JrK)

  19. #19
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Location
    Charlottesville, VA
    Posts
    240

    Default Re: Depression in a 10yo

    Thank you Jen! I just checked it!
    Heidi

    2018-19
    dd- 3m
    ds- SC 1
    dd- SC B

  20. #20
    Join Date
    Jun 2015
    Location
    Northern Indiana
    Posts
    1,196

    Default Re: Depression in a 10yo

    So now weíve swung the other way and heís hyper as all get out. Baby talk, screeching noises just for the heck of it, etc. Iím soooo tired of all the emotional things in this house! I donít think going to a therapist is going to help either...he hates talking to adults he doesnít know well and it makes him nervous which makes him more spastic behavior-wise. I donít think weíre looking at bipolar ó we can often find triggers for his behavior which isnít the case with bipolar. From what I can figure out his triggers are: boredom, anxiety, anticipation, disappointment, and attention-seeking. I can address the anxiety, but can anyone offer ways theyíve handled these triggers with their children? His 12yo brother is also regressing and Iím nearing my witís end. I had a dream last night that I was trapped and no one could get me out even though they knew where I was being held. When depression and overwhelm starts coming out in my dreams, I know Iím headed for the end of my rope. And yes, Anita, Iíve been practicing self-care.

    One thing to note is that they havenít had OT in over a month because weíre still waiting on insurance to review their progress/approve continued treatment. I donít know if that would cause this.
    Last edited by jen1134; 10-23-2018 at 09:24 AM.
    Jennifer

    2017-2018
    DS-13 & DS-14 (mix of 6M & 8M)
    DS-11 (5M)
    DS-9 (SC2)
    DD-7 (MP1)
    DD-5 (SC1)
    DD-3 (Preschool)

    2018-2019
    DS-14 & DS-15 (MP9 Literature, Novare Intro to Physics, Light to the Nations I (CTP), MPOA for: Latin, Algebra I, Ref/Con
    DS-12 (6M)
    DS-10 (SC3)
    DD-8 (MP2)
    DD-6 (SC2)
    DD-3 (NT using SCB for gradual intro to JrK)

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •