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Help please: aggression in 6yo

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    #16
    Re: Help please: aggression in 6yo

    I jumped on tonight to add something to my above response and saw Anita's response...mine is in the same vein.

    I was going to mention clutter. My son has more tantrums and they're more intense when things are messy. Schedules can be 'messy' like Anita's boy's struggle this week with his schedule being unpredictable.

    I notice my son struggles when the house is messy, things are underfoot. It's hard to keep up with a houseful of kids that are home all day and the chaos that they can wreak in a short time. We all live this struggle. Making sure that things have a place to go is huge. Habit training to clean up and put away things when you are done with them is VERY important. Make sure that things are manageable, my saying is, "If you can't put it away, you must either have too many or it has low value." I take constant clutter to mean that we need to deliver some stuff to the donation center. The de-cluttering is hard on everybody but, the tangible reward of a cleaner house and happier family is worth it.

    Remember that their thinking is already chaotic and disorganized. Add to that a visually and physically chaotic and disorganized space and you have disaster.

    This is exactly what pushed me to create a specific school room. School occurs in this assigned space. Books are kept in assigned drawers in this assigned space. Toys are not allowed in the school room. The school room is for school. It seemed like when we schooled in the dining room there was all sorts of non-school stuff to look at and think about. Nothing was moved to the school room that was not absolutely necessary. Now, the three book shelves in the dining room that contained all sorts of extras are being purged. After a year in our new school room, I realize that I don't need them. I spent every day last year looking at all of that stuff and it literally clouded my mind. "Hey, I could use that cool extra resource over there." I think it also clouded my son's mind..."Good heaven's she wants to use all this stuff too!" Sticking to the predictable schedule provided by MP has eased that chaos in our schedule. My son didn't know when his day was going to end or what the expectations were.

    So, spend some time thinking about clutter. A cluttered schedule, a cluttered living room, a chaotic bookshelf, having to find clothes in the laundry basket in the basement. All of this stuff adds up. Our special kids need as much organization and predictability as we can manage. Chaos still happens, that's life, but really focusing on bringing order to chaotic surroundings helps bring order to their chaotic thought patterns.
    Married to DH for 14 years. Living the rural life in the Colorado mountains

    DS11- Simply Classical 5/6
    DD9- Simply Classical 5/6 (neurotypical, but schooling with big brother to save mom's sanity)
    DD 6- Classic Core First Grade

    We've completed:
    Classic Core Jr. kindergarten, kindergarten, first grade, and second grade.
    Simply Classical levels B, C, 1, 2, 3, and 4.

    Comment


      #17
      Re: Help please: aggression in 6yo

      There is such wonderful advice in here. I like the idea of sitting by the front door. We will definitely work on that. And the clutter piece...so true!
      Heidi

      2018-19
      dd- 3m
      ds- SC 1
      dd- SC B

      Comment


        #18
        Re: Help please: aggression in 6yo

        Jen,

        I prayed for you this morning. You have initiated various threads at several places on the Forum of late but this particular one about your 6 y.o. daughter got me thinking. This is not some 'weird theory' kind of thing.....it's very real. We have found help from shutting down technology and Wifi when not in use. Not sure if you can do that if you have a home-based business? But I need my boys' living space as 'clean' as possible, in all ways. So when Blake doesn't have an MPOA class, everything (including the Wifi) is shut down. And it's definitely shut down when we are sleeping. The jury was out on this one for a while for me, but now I'm convinced it's absolutely crucial for well-being.

        SusanP in VA
        Last edited by SPearson; 04-26-2018, 10:58 AM.

        Comment


          #19
          Re: Help please: aggression in 6yo

          Originally posted by Colomama View Post
          I jumped on tonight to add something to my above response and saw Anita's response...mine is in the same vein.

          I was going to mention clutter. My son has more tantrums and they're more intense when things are messy. Schedules can be 'messy' like Anita's boy's struggle this week with his schedule being unpredictable.

          I notice my son struggles when the house is messy, things are underfoot. It's hard to keep up with a houseful of kids that are home all day and the chaos that they can wreak in a short time. We all live this struggle. Making sure that things have a place to go is huge. Habit training to clean up and put away things when you are done with them is VERY important. Make sure that things are manageable, my saying is, "If you can't put it away, you must either have too many or it has low value." I take constant clutter to mean that we need to deliver some stuff to the donation center. The de-cluttering is hard on everybody but, the tangible reward of a cleaner house and happier family is worth it.

          Remember that their thinking is already chaotic and disorganized. Add to that a visually and physically chaotic and disorganized space and you have disaster.

          This is exactly what pushed me to create a specific school room. School occurs in this assigned space. Books are kept in assigned drawers in this assigned space. Toys are not allowed in the school room. The school room is for school. It seemed like when we schooled in the dining room there was all sorts of non-school stuff to look at and think about. Nothing was moved to the school room that was not absolutely necessary. Now, the three book shelves in the dining room that contained all sorts of extras are being purged. After a year in our new school room, I realize that I don't need them. I spent every day last year looking at all of that stuff and it literally clouded my mind. "Hey, I could use that cool extra resource over there." I think it also clouded my son's mind..."Good heaven's she wants to use all this stuff too!" Sticking to the predictable schedule provided by MP has eased that chaos in our schedule. My son didn't know when his day was going to end or what the expectations were.

          So, spend some time thinking about clutter. A cluttered schedule, a cluttered living room, a chaotic bookshelf, having to find clothes in the laundry basket in the basement. All of this stuff adds up. Our special kids need as much organization and predictability as we can manage. Chaos still happens, that's life, but really focusing on bringing order to chaotic surroundings helps bring order to their chaotic thought patterns.
          Thank you for this, Michelle. Pure gold. Right where I've been at in my thinking and in my practices for a while now. Clutter and chaos have no business in our homes, especially those of us in the high and holy calling of raising up special kids.

          Comment


            #20
            Re: Help please: aggression in 6yo

            Originally posted by SPearson View Post
            Jen,

            I prayed for you this morning. You have initiated various threads at several places on the Forum of late but this particular one about your 6 y.o. daughter got me thinking. This is not some 'weird theory' kind of thing.....it's very real. We have found help from shutting down technology and Wifi when not in use. Not sure if you can do that if you have a home-based business? But I need my boys' living space as 'clean' as possible, in all ways. So when Blake doesn't have an MPOA class, everything (including the Wifi) is shut down. And it's definitely shut down when we are sleeping. The jury was out on this one for a while for me, but now I'm convinced it's absolutely crucial for well-being.

            SusanP in VA
            Your prayers must be why today has gone absolutely beautifully. I’m not kidding. I’ve beeen sitting here in awe of my younger kids’ diligence and general peacefulness this morning. Thank you!

            Unfortunately, we can’t turn everything off because of our work — it’s entirely computer/internet based. We removed that TV to our room years ago and try to only let them watch something on the iPad or laptop twice a week. That definitely helps.
            Jennifer
            Blog: [url]www.seekingdelectare.com[/url]

            DS16
            MP: Lit 10, VideoText Algebra
            MPOA: High School Comp. II
            HSC: Spanish I, Conceptual Physics, Modern European History, and electives

            DS15
            MP: Biology, Lit 10, VideoText Algebra, Greek Tragedies
            MPOA: High School Comp. II, Fourth Form Latin
            HSC: Modern European History

            DS12
            7M with:
            Second Form Latin, EGR III, and HSC for US History

            DS11
            SC Level 4

            DD9
            3A, with First Form Latin (long story!)

            DD7/8
            Still in SC Level 2

            DD 4/5
            SC Level C

            Comment


              #21
              Re: Help please: aggression in 6yo

              Originally posted by jen1134 View Post
              Your prayers must be why today has gone absolutely beautifully. I’m not kidding. I’ve beeen sitting here in awe of my younger kids’ diligence and general peacefulness this morning. Thank you!

              Unfortunately, we can’t turn everything off because of our work — it’s entirely computer/internet based. We removed that TV to our room years ago and try to only let them watch something on the iPad or laptop twice a week. That definitely helps.
              Jennifer, great news about the peaceful morning! All glory and praise to God (who loves you so much!) Okay so I get the work/tech necessity. But is it possible things could be shut down at night when you all sleep?

              Comment


                #22
                Re: Help please: aggression in 6yo

                So she discovered she can open the front door when she’s supposed to be sitting by it. And she won’t stay in the front hall unless I sit in a chair blocking the doorway. Which means she then lays all over my lap or, when I won’t let her do that, starts to kick, punch, push and hit me. I’m at a complete loss.

                ETA: it took ten minutes but she finally sat down and was quiet while the timer was on. She’s now peacefully picking up the game she was previously throwing across the room. Hopefully this will get easier the more we go along.
                Last edited by jen1134; 04-26-2018, 12:31 PM.
                Jennifer
                Blog: [url]www.seekingdelectare.com[/url]

                DS16
                MP: Lit 10, VideoText Algebra
                MPOA: High School Comp. II
                HSC: Spanish I, Conceptual Physics, Modern European History, and electives

                DS15
                MP: Biology, Lit 10, VideoText Algebra, Greek Tragedies
                MPOA: High School Comp. II, Fourth Form Latin
                HSC: Modern European History

                DS12
                7M with:
                Second Form Latin, EGR III, and HSC for US History

                DS11
                SC Level 4

                DD9
                3A, with First Form Latin (long story!)

                DD7/8
                Still in SC Level 2

                DD 4/5
                SC Level C

                Comment


                  #23
                  Re: Help please: aggression in 6yo

                  Originally posted by jen1134 View Post
                  So she discovered she can open the front door when she’s supposed to be sitting by it. And she won’t stay in the front hall unless I sit in a chair blocking the doorway. Which means she then lays all over my lap or, when I won’t let her do that, starts to kick, punch, push and hit me. I’m at a complete loss.

                  ETA: it took ten minutes but she finally sat down and was quiet while the timer was on. She’s now peacefully picking up the game she was previously throwing across the room. Hopefully this will get easier the more we go along.
                  Consistency. Don’t give in. Don’t give up. I’ve been there!
                  Boy Wonder: 10, MP2/SC4 (Special Needs)
                  Joy Bubble: 8, MP2 (Special Needs)
                  Snuggly Cowboy: 6, MPK
                  Sweet Lightness: 2, Reverse-Engineering Specialist

                  “Have no fear of moving into the unknown. Simply step out fearlessly knowing that I am with you, therefore no harm can befall you; all is very, very well. Do this in complete faith and confidence.”
                  ~Pope St John Paul II

                  Comment


                    #24
                    Re: Help please: aggression in 6yo

                    Yes, and of course there is nothing magical about a front door. That merely happened to be where I could see him at all times due to the layout of our house. If she has enough time to turn around and open the door before anyone notices, that might not be the best place.

                    Anita is right. Whatever you choose, stay with it long enough to have it work for you.

                    Comment


                      #25
                      Re: Help please: aggression in 6yo

                      Also, ten minutes may feel like an eternity during a meltdown, but in the scheme of things it's actually not that long. When I think of an out of control child, being able to sit quietly within 10 minutes seems to be not that bad to begin with. I know it feels SO LONG though. Consistency and solidarity. My oldest and youngest have rages from time to time and it is exhausting.
                      Susan

                      2018-2019
                      A (10) - Barton, R&S math 3, SC 3
                      C (9) - Barton, R&S math 2, SC 3
                      G (5) - Simply Classical C

                      Comment


                        #26
                        Re: Help please: aggression in 6yo

                        I haven’t been able to be on here for a while. As I read this it makes my heart just jump to hear of others having similar issues. Jenn, we have some aggression issues as well or should Insay temper issues. Here was a couple this week:

                        Son (10) angry because he wanted to open the vitamins. Big brother (12 - who is really good at pushing peoples buttons and making them angry although he has Autism, ADHD and Cognitive delays) wanted to do it himself so he hits little brother in the arm with the jar. I think it was probably gentle, but son (9) took it as a punch. So, he proceeds to dump half a bag of $7 granola on the floor because he was so angry. That was a special kind his dad had bought him because he begged for it. He had to sweep it all up and he was told the next granola he would get would come from his own pocketbook.

                        Big Brother (12) worked hard at school. The kids had found the IPAD I had put away. So they were asking if they could play with it. He had worked really hard and I was very proud of him so I told him he could have his 30 minutes. I should have just waited until the end of the day, but nevertheless, he did do all the things on his checklist. So...I hear this banging all of a sudden. Son got mad at the game he was trying to play and threw the tablet at the wall...THREE times. I came running upstairs to a hole in the bedroom wall. Oh Joy. I made sure to call my husband at work so he would have time to calm down before coming home. I told my son his tablet privileges are gone and I would have to think about how long they will be gone. He had to pay for supplies and help repair the hole with grandpa. I told him he also lost his outdoor play privileges that day. Maybe that was tough, but right now the kids don’t take me seriously and I have to start doing something versus being a pushover like I have been.

                        So, we are dealing with tempers over here. I have been hit in the past as well, but I noticed that it was when I went “hands on” even if my hands were gentle.

                        I have a 5-yr old who hits and screams when he is mad as well. Problem is, sometimes he is mad because his big brother is having a sensory moment and is rubbing all over his head and squeezing it. It is making him dislike his Big Brother and causing him to lash out whenever he is mad now. He is definitely testing me and I haven’t figured out how I’m going to handle all of this either.

                        So, know that you are not alone and you will not be fighting this a lot alone. I’ll be praying for you! Oh, and by the way, we are near Saginaw, MI. I think you had asked me. We used to be in Saint Joseph dinghy near the Indiana border.
                        Last edited by empokorski; 05-02-2018, 05:21 AM.

                        Comment


                          #27
                          Re: Help please: aggression in 6yo

                          Originally posted by empokorski View Post
                          I haven’t been able to be on here for a while. As I read this it makes my heart just jump to hear of others having similar issues. Jenn, we have some aggression issues as well or should Insay temper issues. Here was a couple this week:

                          Son (10) angry because he wanted to open the vitamins. Big brother (12 - who is really good at pushing peoples buttons and making them angry although he has Autism, ADHD and Cognitive delays) wanted to do it himself so he hits little brother in the arm with the jar. I think it was probably gentle, but son (9) took it as a punch. So, he proceeds to dump half a bag of $7 granola on the floor because he was so angry. That was a special kind his dad had bought him because he begged for it. He had to sweep it all up and he was told the next granola he would get would come from his own pocketbook.

                          Big Brother (12) worked hard at school. The kids had found the IPAD I had put away. So they were asking if they could play with it. He had worked really hard and I was very proud of him so I told him he could have his 30 minutes. I should have just waited until the end of the day, but nevertheless, he did do all the things on his checklist. So...I hear this banging all of a sudden. Son got mad at the game he was trying to play and threw the tablet at the wall...THREE times. I came running upstairs to a hole in the bedroom wall. Oh Joy. I made sure to call my husband at work so he would have time to calm down before coming home. I told my son his tablet privileges are gone and I would have to think about how long they will be gone. He had to pay for supplies and help repair the hole with grandpa. I told him he also lost his outdoor play privileges that day. Maybe that was tough, but right now the kids don’t take me seriously and I have to start doing something versus being a pushover like I have been.

                          So, we are dealing with tempers over here. I have been hit in the past as well, but I noticed that it was when I went “hands on” even if my hands were gentle.

                          I have a 5-yr old who hits and screams when he is mad as well. Problem is, sometimes he is mad because his big brother is having a sensory moment and is rubbing all over his head and squeezing it. It is making him dislike his Big Brother and causing him to lash out whenever he is mad now. He is definitely testing me and I haven’t figured out how I’m going to handle all of this either.

                          So, know that you are not alone and you will not be fighting this a lot alone. I’ll be praying for you! Oh, and by the way, we are near Saginaw, MI. I think you had asked me. We used to be in Saint Joseph dinghy near the Indiana border.
                          Oh my gosh, this is SOOOOOO familiar! It sounds like you are handling it the right way though. We're working on the same techniques right now; I just have to remind myself that this is a marathon, not a sprint. It is going to take a long time for my kids to internalize better ways of solving their problems.

                          I wish we lived closer! My best friend grew up in Flint until her family moved to a farm between Owosso & Durand when she was still young. Her parents still live there.

                          I'll be praying for you as well!
                          Jennifer
                          Blog: [url]www.seekingdelectare.com[/url]

                          DS16
                          MP: Lit 10, VideoText Algebra
                          MPOA: High School Comp. II
                          HSC: Spanish I, Conceptual Physics, Modern European History, and electives

                          DS15
                          MP: Biology, Lit 10, VideoText Algebra, Greek Tragedies
                          MPOA: High School Comp. II, Fourth Form Latin
                          HSC: Modern European History

                          DS12
                          7M with:
                          Second Form Latin, EGR III, and HSC for US History

                          DS11
                          SC Level 4

                          DD9
                          3A, with First Form Latin (long story!)

                          DD7/8
                          Still in SC Level 2

                          DD 4/5
                          SC Level C

                          Comment


                            #28
                            Re: Help please: aggression in 6yo

                            Jennifer, I had no idea you were going through this, too. I can offer you plenty of prayers. It is so hard to be hit by your own child. Mine only hits her sister, father, and me. If that is what is going on maybe she has Oppositional Defiance Order too? I am not a pscyhologist. I just know that it hurts when your child treats you poorly. I will add you to my prayers.
                            JeJe Greer
                            Mom to:
                            Stella (7M)
                            Clara (SC)

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