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Is wait and see my only option?

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    Is wait and see my only option?

    My oldest is refusing to take any suggestions about studying that I learned from the Memory PDF Cheryl shared on a previous post. I KNOW he's really capable of being an excellent student; it's just his memory that's getting in the way. He's been off emotionally the past few days so maybe I just need to bide my time and try introducing the techniques again later, but that won't help him as he wraps up his year. He's failing his tests and that is bugging him but his mental inflexibility is keeping him from making the needed changes. I'm at the end of my rope -- I can't help him if he won't work with me and I don't know what else to do. He generally comes around to new suggestions, but it can take a few days/weeks and I have to judge the timing pretty carefully. Do I just let him continue to fail and wait until he's more receptive later? Is there anything I can do to help him do better before that? Am I just being too impatient?
    Jennifer
    Blog: [url]www.seekingdelectare.com[/url]

    2021-2022
    DS18: Almost done!
    DS17: MP, MPOA
    DS15: MP, MPOA
    DS12: Mix of SC 5/6 & SC 7/8
    DD11: Mix of 5M and SC7/8
    DD9: SC3
    DD6: MPK

    #2
    Re: Is wait and see my only option?

    Hi, Jennifer.

    You're not being too impatient. You want to "unlock" what you know he can do. (For anyone reading, this is the previous discussion.)

    It sounds like two components:
    1. memory, ADD, and executive function - true organic challenges that can respond to effective strategies.
    2. behavior, attitude, willingness - needed to allow those strategies to work!


    Now that you have studied #1, you are ready to help him. But he is not eager to be helped. Now you will need to address #2.

    Suggestions:
    1. Involve your husband much more intentionally, if your husband is more successful with him. If not, sidestep this idea.

    2. Do not emotionally engage his non-compliance, whether it is blatant or passive.

    3. Require 45 min. cardio & strength training at the beginning of each day as part of his middle school curriculum. This will "jump start" his brain, reduce any anxiety or low-mood feelings, and may increase his receptivity.

    4. Talk with him in a non-academic setting (e.g., outside on a walk, driving along in the car, out to lunch together). Find out his own goals and dreams. (No nagging or haranguing allowed during this process; just listen.) Thank him for sharing with you. Close the conversation. // Then, in your own quiet time, ponder how you might partner with these goals. In a quick post-conversation meeting, present to him 1-2 tools from the books and articles you read, and explain that these will help him achieve his goals. See if he would like to try them. If yes, keep using these. Set aside the others for now.

    5. Reconsider a tutor specializing in both executive function training AND the male middle-school mind. For this purpose, consider MPOA for a lower-level course that you know he could handle. With an outside teacher, he will need to apply and practice the very study skills you want him to learn. You will need to help keep him on track with assignments, attendance, and participation, but someone else is setting the agenda.


    Even if some of the frustrations are temporary, you still want a big-picture plan moving forward into middle school and high school. This is your oldest, so take notes. You may well be repeating much of this with your others.


    Thanks-
    Cheryl

    Comment


      #3
      Re: Is wait and see my only option?

      Originally posted by cherylswope View Post
      Hi, Jennifer.

      You're not being too impatient. You want to "unlock" what you know he can do. (For anyone reading, this is the previous discussion.)

      It sounds like two components:
      1. memory, ADD, and executive function - true organic challenges that can respond to effective strategies.
      2. behavior, attitude, willingness - needed to allow those strategies to work!


      Now that you have studied #1, you are ready to help him. But he is not eager to be helped. Now you will need to address #2.

      Suggestions:
      1. Involve your husband much more intentionally, if your husband is more successful with him. If not, sidestep this idea.

      2. Do not emotionally engage his non-compliance, whether it is blatant or passive.

      3. Require 45 min. cardio & strength training at the beginning of each day as part of his middle school curriculum. This will "jump start" his brain, reduce any anxiety or low-mood feelings, and may increase his receptivity.

      4. Talk with him in a non-academic setting (e.g., outside on a walk, driving along in the car, out to lunch together). Find out his own goals and dreams. (No nagging or haranguing allowed during this process; just listen.) Thank him for sharing with you. Close the conversation. // Then, in your own quiet time, ponder how you might partner with these goals. In a quick post-conversation meeting, present to him 1-2 tools from the books and articles you read, and explain that these will help him achieve his goals. See if he would like to try them. If yes, keep using these. Set aside the others for now.

      5. Reconsider a tutor specializing in both executive function training AND the male middle-school mind. For this purpose, consider MPOA for a lower-level course that you know he could handle. With an outside teacher, he will need to apply and practice the very study skills you want him to learn. You will need to help keep him on track with assignments, attendance, and participation, but someone else is setting the agenda.


      Even if some of the frustrations are temporary, you still want a big-picture plan moving forward into middle school and high school. This is your oldest, so take notes. You may well be repeating much of this with your others.


      Thanks-
      Cheryl

      I shared this with my husband and he said he might be able to start up his walking routine again and including A in that. It would also give them opportunity for father/son conversations which they both enjoy. A will be in the FFL Review class with MPOA so I'm hoping that will help as you talked about here. I looked into tutoring but no one was available among the homeschool groups. I did look into Sylvan's study skills-focused tutoring but they said it would need to be done during the school year to be most effective. Hoping we can use the MPOA review to practice on our own.

      Regarding the goals conversations: do you mean his goals for future career, etc? He originally wanted to go into wildlife conservation or industrial/product design, but I think he may be veering towards photography (he already has a small business starting). If that is the case, I'm not sure how I can link photography goals to his education other than the idea of being a well-informed human being -- which doesn't resonate much at this age. Is this what you meant?
      Jennifer
      Blog: [url]www.seekingdelectare.com[/url]

      2021-2022
      DS18: Almost done!
      DS17: MP, MPOA
      DS15: MP, MPOA
      DS12: Mix of SC 5/6 & SC 7/8
      DD11: Mix of 5M and SC7/8
      DD9: SC3
      DD6: MPK

      Comment


        #4
        Re: Is wait and see my only option?

        Yes, exactly. This does not, by the way, need to be linked only to the ways most people think narrowly about "future job skills," but to all of his immediate and long-term personal goals. Examples:


        Immediate: Photography business
        "How would learning to manage your time help you in your business?"
        "If you learn to accomplish your academic lessons with proficiency, how might this free more time for you to do the things you enjoy?"
        "Would you like to earn more money than you do now?" "If not money, are there other reasons you would like to grow your business?" "If you spent more concentrated but productive time on your schoolwork, how could this help you achieve those goals?"


        Longterm: Future Family, Career - wildlife or other
        -"Do you think you will ever need to do things you do not want to do, when you are older? How might practicing this over your school years give you an advantage later in your life?"

        -"Did you know that there is 'Core Knowledge' every human being should have?" "Did you know that this is what 'education' once was?"

        -"Do you hope to be a husband and father some day?" "In a family, would everyone be interested only in wildlife, or would it be helpful to have varied interests for the sake of the others in your family?"

        -"Have you noticed how many ways Dad and I manage money, make financial decisions, and keep accounting records for our businesses and for household taxes?" "Would you like to help with this in a year or two, so you can learn how to do this in your own business?" "How might strong arithmetic skills make this a faster process in your business?" "How might strong mathematical concepts help you think quickly and precisely?"

        -"How do you think it might help you in any calling to be a broadly well read, logically thinking individual, rather than someone who knows only one thing?"

        -"How might persuasive, strong abilities to communicate help you in obtaining a career? ... in working with people to whom you hope to sell your photography, or with whom you would like to land contracts for your wildlife photos, or become hired for project design?"


        The key is helping him begin to think about these things himself, now that he is shifting from "boy child" to "young man." This is a process, but questions help so much more than merely providing all of the answers. This can be a hard transition for moms, so your learning curve is steep too!

        I love the idea of Dad/son morning walks. Even if they rarely or only occasionally talk, this is a perfect place to start.

        Comment


          #5
          Re: Is wait and see my only option?

          Originally posted by cherylswope View Post
          Yes, exactly. This does not, by the way, need to be linked only to the ways most people think narrowly about "future job skills," but to all of his immediate and long-term personal goals. Examples:


          Immediate: Photography business
          "How would learning to manage your time help you in your business?"
          "If you learn to accomplish your academic lessons with proficiency, how might this free more time for you to do the things you enjoy?"
          "Would you like to earn more money than you do now?" "If not money, are there other reasons you would like to grow your business?" "If you spent more concentrated but productive time on your schoolwork, how could this help you achieve those goals?"


          Longterm: Future Family, Career - wildlife or other
          -"Do you think you will ever need to do things you do not want to do, when you are older? How might practicing this over your school years give you an advantage later in your life?"

          -"Did you know that there is 'Core Knowledge' every human being should have?" "Did you know that this is what 'education' once was?"

          -"Do you hope to be a husband and father some day?" "In a family, would everyone be interested only in wildlife, or would it be helpful to have varied interests for the sake of the others in your family?"

          -"Have you noticed how many ways Dad and I manage money, make financial decisions, and keep accounting records for our businesses and for household taxes?" "Would you like to help with this in a year or two, so you can learn how to do this in your own business?" "How might strong arithmetic skills make this a faster process in your business?" "How might strong mathematical concepts help you think quickly and precisely?"

          -"How do you think it might help you in any calling to be a broadly well read, logically thinking individual, rather than someone who knows only one thing?"

          -"How might persuasive, strong abilities to communicate help you in obtaining a career? ... in working with people to whom you hope to sell your photography, or with whom you would like to land contracts for your wildlife photos, or become hired for project design?"


          The key is helping him begin to think about these things himself, now that he is shifting from "boy child" to "young man." This is a process, but questions help so much more than merely providing all of the answers. This can be a hard transition for moms, so your learning curve is steep too!

          I love the idea of Dad/son morning walks. Even if they rarely or only occasionally talk, this is a perfect place to start.

          WOW. These are amazing. Thank you so much!!!
          Jennifer
          Blog: [url]www.seekingdelectare.com[/url]

          2021-2022
          DS18: Almost done!
          DS17: MP, MPOA
          DS15: MP, MPOA
          DS12: Mix of SC 5/6 & SC 7/8
          DD11: Mix of 5M and SC7/8
          DD9: SC3
          DD6: MPK

          Comment

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