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Child pretends not to be able to read - turns out she is making a lot of it up!

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    Child pretends not to be able to read - turns out she is making a lot of it up!

    I am about to have a nervous breakdown. My 5th grader just took my 2nd grader (who is doing Simply Classical 1 and who I have been trying to teach to read for 2 years, with the aid of other professionals, at great monetary expense (plus at least 2 or 3 years off my life expectancy due to the incredible stress)) upstairs and pulled out a book to read with her. It is Little Bear. I finished cleaning lunch dishes and walked into the room to discover Clara reading Little Bear with absolutely no problems at all, at a normal speed, and without any screaming, crying, flopping or kicking. My older daughter just told me that she has Clara read to her almost every night. During school time Clara pretends she cannot read things like Fun in the Sun lesson 1. I am seriously considering having a glass of wine at 2:15 in the afternoon because I am physically shaking this has upset me so much. I do not know if this child just does not like to do school, or she just hates me teaching her. I am wondering if maybe I should send her back to public school (there is no private school until 5th grade that does not require driving over a mountain pass more than 10,000 tall).
    JeJe Greer
    Mom to:
    Stella (8M with 9th grade literature)
    Clara (SC 5/6 and 4th new user)

    #2
    Re: Child pretends not to be able to read - turns out she is making a lot of it up!

    I am sorry to confess I audibly laughed at this post. Not at your situation, but because I had a child do this. I caught it pretty early on, but I found they liked the attention I gave during reading time. The longer reading took, the more individual attention she got. She was a good little actress too!

    Rest in the comfort you don't have a non-reader any longer!

    Blessings,
    Michelle T

    Comment


      #3
      Re: Child pretends not to be able to read - turns out she is making a lot of it up!

      Originally posted by jejegreer View Post
      I am about to have a nervous breakdown. My 5th grader just took my 2nd grader (who is doing Simply Classical 1 and who I have been trying to teach to read for 2 years, with the aid of other professionals, at great monetary expense (plus at least 2 or 3 years off my life expectancy due to the incredible stress)) upstairs and pulled out a book to read with her. It is Little Bear. I finished cleaning lunch dishes and walked into the room to discover Clara reading Little Bear with absolutely no problems at all, at a normal speed, and without any screaming, crying, flopping or kicking. My older daughter just told me that she has Clara read to her almost every night. During school time Clara pretends she cannot read things like Fun in the Sun lesson 1. I am seriously considering having a glass of wine at 2:15 in the afternoon because I am physically shaking this has upset me so much. I do not know if this child just does not like to do school, or she just hates me teaching her. I am wondering if maybe I should send her back to public school (there is no private school until 5th grade that does not require driving over a mountain pass more than 10,000 tall).
      Jeje, I am so sorry. Behavioral issues are often harder than academic ones, at least at our house, because they can feel so relational. Betrayal, lying, and manipulation can make us feel ineffective and powerless.

      But you're not powerless! After the ire calms, you will assess your options. No need to phone the public school yet. No need to explode into your daughter either.

      Take your private time to cry, fume, call a girlfriend, or pour that glass of wine. This is big.

      After you have recovered from the shock of it all, you can step back and make good decisions about moving forward. We'll help any way we can. For now, processing this is plenty.

      Also (from experience), as much as possible, avoid personalizing. She will need a good, objective reading assessment to see where her skills truly fall. That's for tomorrow, not today.

      As Michelle T noted, the good news is that your efforts have proven successful, because she can read. Small comfort right now, but maybe in a little while....


      With you in this --

      Cheryl

      Comment


        #4
        Re: Child pretends not to be able to read - turns out she is making a lot of it up!

        My heart goes out to you Jeje! Things like that really hurt.
        Sarah

        Aussies from Sydney, Australia
        Miriam 10yo
        Jonathan 7yo
        Elissa 4yo
        Thomas nearly 2yo
        Baby due 1st July 2020

        Comment


          #5
          Re: Child pretends not to be able to read - turns out she is making a lot of it up!

          My daughter pretended not to be able to read for a year because she was afraid I would stop reading to her if I knew. At almost 13, I still read a chapter of a book aloud to her almost every day. At least once a week she asks me, "remember when I pretended I couldn't read because I thought you wouldn't read to me anymore?" Then she snuggles in for her chapter. Have a talk with her about why she does this - she may have a reason that makes perfect sense to her. Once I promised that I would read to her for as long as she lets me, my daughter stopped pretending. Good luck, and congrats on having another reader!
          Kristin - Administrator for Vita Beata (discussion classes for MP users)
          DD19; AFROTC and Aerospace Engineering Major
          DD16; Rising Senior!

          Comment


            #6
            Re: Child pretends not to be able to read - turns out she is making a lot of it up!

            Jeje,

            I have been thinking about you this week. Are you having an easier time? You received some good advice and have been thoroughly lifted in prayer! Please know you have a support group here.

            Blessings,
            Michelle T

            Comment


              #7
              Re: Child pretends not to be able to read - turns out she is making a lot of it up!

              Oh my goodness, that was me with my first! He is 19 now, and he tells me about how he remembers staring at the Hooked on Phonics page and pretending not to know what it said when he really did. I think I did have wine with lunch quite a few times during his education! Its so hard, but it is true, what does not kill you makes you stronger! I am currently teaching my 5th to read and there is no pulling that cr@p on me now They all know mom is no nonsense and mostly tough as nails. Took years to get me to that point though! Homeschooling will give you lots of smiles and memories, but lots of grey hair as well.

              Comment


                #8
                Re: Child pretends not to be able to read - turns out she is making a lot of it up!

                Originally posted by Michelle T View Post
                Jeje,

                I have been thinking about you this week. Are you having an easier time? You received some good advice and have been thoroughly lifted in prayer! Please know you have a support group here.

                Blessings,
                Michelle T
                We are doing OK. Clara basically refuses to read to me or her Dad. She has since told me that she does not like me teaching her reading, and that Stella (our 10 year old) is her reading teacher now. Stella is being a good sport and reads half of the read-alouds/Bible now (I read the other half while Clara colors or ignores me), plus Stella spends 20 minutes a day or so and Clara reads her an entire leveled reader (she can read level 1 and level 2 readers now, plus all of the word problems in her math book as I discovered when I left her alone to take a math test and she could suddenly read the questions and answer them correctly). Stella reports back on what words Clara cannot read. I have no clue what to do with her. I have continued to do Simply Classical Level 1, since I have no idea where she should be. She can complete all of the work for SC1 in about half an hour (unless there is not a reading part for the day, and then it is less time). She reads herself the directions in the Core Skills Phonics book, so I am not even needed there. The only thing she will do with me is do the chalk and playdoh games, plus prayers. I guess I have really pissed her off trying to teach her to read for the past 2 years. Anyway, perhaps I should have Stella join this board to tell you more about what Clara can do so I know if we should keep going with Simply Classical 1 or if we should move Clara on to 1st grade or if we should buy Simply Classical 2 and put her there. Stella will probably end up with emotional Mommy issues when she gets older, but I guess until Clara is reading things like novels on her own there is not much I can do since she will not read to adults and I obviously cannot teach her.
                JeJe Greer
                Mom to:
                Stella (8M with 9th grade literature)
                Clara (SC 5/6 and 4th new user)

                Comment


                  #9
                  Re: Child pretends not to be able to read - turns out she is making a lot of it up!

                  Jeje,
                  It sounds as if you have a very strong-willed daughter. That determination has many positive effects but also, as with any personality trait, some negative aspects. I wish I had a magical piece of advice to give that would fix everything and make home-schooling easier. But, the truth is home-schooling is not easy, in fact, it is rather hard. You are and will remain in my prayers!

                  It is great that she is reading in the leveled readers and can read and understand her math directions. Have you completed SC1? If so, she might be ready for regular first. If you aren't finished with SC 1, finish that first because we want to be sure you have covered all the phonograms of the FSR series before moving into the real books of SC 2 or regular first grade. That should help with where to go next. If at the end of SC 1 you aren't sure, move on to SC 2 and we can always adjust from there if needed.

                  As for the reading, it may be fine for the older daughter to "teach" some. However, try explaining to your little one that you need hear her read for a certain amount of time each day. Give her some choice as to morning or afternoon. Give her. Choice as to where like in the den or outside on a blanket under a tree. Maybe even a choice as to which book of two you select. Some choices may help. Maybe institute grades. Try explaining you need to be able to put a check or minus each day in your grade book for reading. (If you don't do grades, maybe instituting them for a while will help.) Explain good report cards are a cause for celebration. Maybe a favorite meal and game night or trip to the ice cream store will help (that one still works for me and my daughter is 11). ***Please don't send me hate mail for suggesting bribery. Rewards for positive behavior can be an effective classroom management tool!

                  Also, if you ever want to call the office, I would be happy to help if you could answer some more specific questions about placement.

                  Hope this helps!

                  Michelle T

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Re: Child pretends not to be able to read - turns out she is making a lot of it up!

                    Originally posted by jejegreer View Post
                    Clara basically refuses to read to me or her Dad....I have no clue what to do with her.
                    Hi, Jeje.

                    These statements cry out for an immediate change.

                    If you have someone -- anyone -- local whom you trust, reach out to that person. As you already know, you will need to address the above situation, before you can truly teach. Stella is a wonderful help, but again, as you know, this cannot be the full answer.

                    If you have a good pediatrician, pastor, friend, local counselor, or someone in the extended family, reach out. Someone needs to help you and your husband regroup.

                    Michelle T would be great support by phone: 1-877-862-1097.

                    I am available here or privately, cherylswope@memoriapress.com.

                    As you reassess your options, remember what you CAN do. You can take advantage of her desire to work independently. You mentioned that she is working through SC 1 quickly. If you purchased the entire curriculum, you will have 8-week extended review books, such as Core Skills: Spelling. She can work through those now, if you want.

                    Avoid fanning the resentment or furthering the distance, if you can. Walk away, if needed. This hurt you. We hear it in your words. It can feel like betrayal. But you're still her mom.

                    Wherever you have regained strength and peace before, seek and let this come to you again. It may not seem like Clara wants you, but she needs you.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Re: Child pretends not to be able to read - turns out she is making a lot of it up!

                      Originally posted by cherylswope View Post
                      Hi, Jeje.

                      These statements cry out for an immediate change.

                      If you have someone -- anyone -- local whom you trust, reach out to that person. As you already know, you will need to address the above situation, before you can truly teach. Stella is a wonderful help, but again, as you know, this cannot be the full answer.

                      If you have a good pediatrician, pastor, friend, local counselor, or someone in the extended family, reach out. Someone needs to help you and your husband regroup.

                      Michelle T would be great support by phone: 1-877-862-1097.

                      I am available here or privately, cherylswope@memoriapress.com.

                      As you reassess your options, remember what you CAN do. You can take advantage of her desire to work independently. You mentioned that she is working through SC 1 quickly. If you purchased the entire curriculum, you will have 8-week extended review books, such as Core Skills: Spelling. She can work through those now, if you want.

                      Avoid fanning the resentment or furthering the distance, if you can. Walk away, if needed. This hurt you. We hear it in your words. It can feel like betrayal. But you're still her mom.

                      Wherever you have regained strength and peace before, seek and let this come to you again. It may not seem like Clara wants you, but she needs you.
                      This is such good advice. I think sometimes as homeschoolers we forget that we can ask for help. We dont want to admit that we are having a hard time because we fear the naysayers will tell us we are doing a bad job and to give up.

                      Homeschooling can build resentment between parent and child, which is not good. You will be unhappy, the child will be unhappy. They may not work to their full potential, or develop bad habits or turn to bad pastimes to make up for the hurt they feel. It is a terrible thing to wake up and think "oh no, I have to teach THAT child again"

                      And mom has to learn by this trial how not to loose her peace of soul, even amongst the crosses we must carry during our homeschooling seasons of life. Its hard, I know.

                      I love this book.
                      https://ff968d3cc8e171f04a90d12406ea...l-Treatise.pdf

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Re: Child pretends not to be able to read - turns out she is making a lot of it up!

                        Originally posted by MrsWilliamB View Post
                        This is such good advice. I think sometimes as homeschoolers we forget that we can ask for help. We dont want to admit that we are having a hard time because we fear the naysayers will tell us we are doing a bad job and to give up.

                        Homeschooling can build resentment between parent and child, which is not good. You will be unhappy, the child will be unhappy. They may not work to their full potential, or develop bad habits or turn to bad pastimes to make up for the hurt they feel. It is a terrible thing to wake up and think "oh no, I have to teach THAT child again"

                        And mom has to learn by this trial how not to loose her peace of soul, even amongst the crosses we must carry during our homeschooling seasons of life. Its hard, I know.

                        I love this book.
                        https://ff968d3cc8e171f04a90d12406ea...l-Treatise.pdf
                        Jacques Phillippe! <3 Such a concise little book of wisdom, no? He is wonderful.
                        Boy Wonder: 10, MP2/SC4 (Special Needs)
                        Joy Bubble: 8, MP2 (Special Needs)
                        Snuggly Cowboy: 6, MPK
                        Sweet Lightness: 2, Reverse-Engineering Specialist

                        “Have no fear of moving into the unknown. Simply step out fearlessly knowing that I am with you, therefore no harm can befall you; all is very, very well. Do this in complete faith and confidence.”
                        ~Pope St John Paul II

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Re: Child pretends not to be able to read - turns out she is making a lot of it up!

                          Originally posted by Anita View Post
                          Jacques Phillippe! <3 Such a concise little book of wisdom, no? He is wonderful.
                          I just finished this book a few weeks ago and had my anxious son read parts of it too...definitely a gem.

                          Jeje, I do hope you find the help you need! This is a tough situation.
                          Catherine

                          2020-21
                          DS17
                          DS15
                          DS13
                          DD13
                          DS8
                          DD5
                          DS 2.5

                          Homeschooling 4 with MP
                          2 in classical school

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Re: Child pretends not to be able to read - turns out she is making a lot of it up!

                            It is one I keep always in my mothers morning prayer basket.

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Re: Child pretends not to be able to read - turns out she is making a lot of it up!

                              Originally posted by jejegreer View Post
                              I am about to have a nervous breakdown. My 5th grader just took my 2nd grader (who is doing Simply Classical 1 and who I have been trying to teach to read for 2 years, with the aid of other professionals, at great monetary expense (plus at least 2 or 3 years off my life expectancy due to the incredible stress)) upstairs and pulled out a book to read with her. It is Little Bear. I finished cleaning lunch dishes and walked into the room to discover Clara reading Little Bear with absolutely no problems at all, at a normal speed, and without any screaming, crying, flopping or kicking. My older daughter just told me that she has Clara read to her almost every night. During school time Clara pretends she cannot read things like Fun in the Sun lesson 1. I am seriously considering having a glass of wine at 2:15 in the afternoon because I am physically shaking this has upset me so much. I do not know if this child just does not like to do school, or she just hates me teaching her. I am wondering if maybe I should send her back to public school (there is no private school until 5th grade that does not require driving over a mountain pass more than 10,000 tall).
                              Oh my goodness, our daughter did this with pretending she didn't know any Spanish after we adopted her! She grew up in a Puerto Rican home so we *knew* she must know some but she is hard of hearing too and she insisted flat out she knew no Spanish and would ignore us when we tried to speak to her in Spanish or ask her opinion on something someone was saying. Then we took her to visit her birth family and she responded perfectly to her aunt who was speaking exclusively in Spanish to her. :/ I was so mad!

                              Anyway, we dealt with it by telling her flat out we knew her game and she was not allowed to ignore people speaking to her in Spanish anymore, that we would expect her to respond politely just like we would with English. It was a discipline issue. We also discussed the advantages of knowing and speaking two languages.

                              I agree with what someone else, maybe Cheryl?, said about behavior issues often being way more difficult than academic issues. It's so worth it though and you can look at it as an opportunity vs just a bad thing. With her at home you have the opportunity to see her behavior problems and help her work through it and move on. If she was in school half of every day the teachers likely wouldn't see the issue and if they did figure it out they wouldn't feel like they had the authority to do much about it. As her parent and teacher every day you do have that authority and time to work through it. Harder for you and her, but maybe more effective in the end.

                              ((hugs)) I'm sure you feel betrayed but it's a good thing you know now and you guys can work on it together.

                              Comment

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