Announcement

Collapse

Disclaimer - Read This First

Disclaimer

This website contains general information about medical and educational conditions and treatments. The information is not advice, and should not be treated as such.

The educational and medical information on this website is provided “as is” without any representations or warranties, express or implied. Cheryl Swope, M.Ed. and Memoria Press make no representations or warranties in relation to the information on this website.

You must not rely on the information on this website as an alternative to medical advice from your doctor or individualized advice from any other professional healthcare or educational provider. If you think you or your child may be suffering from any medical condition you should seek immediate medical attention.

You should never delay seeking medical or educational advice, disregard medical or educational advice, or discontinue medical or educational treatment because of any information on this website.
See more
See less

OT: Need to get to the bottom of this

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    OT: Need to get to the bottom of this

    We started Morning Time this week and will add lessons for my younger kids next week, with my older guys then starting on the 9th.

    My 11yo has been off the charts lately, partly because he was sneaking dairy-containing foods (🤦🏻*♀️) and partly because he’s entering puberty and partly because he doesn’t like anything that is currently available for him to do to occupy his time.

    We got the food thing back in line, puberty I can’t do anything about 😂 and I told him that I’m not getting him any other activities until he has shown that he can be content with what is currently available (he currently refuses to choose anything that IS available — and then whines, blames lack of xyz for his problems, and takes/uses his brothers’ belongings.) I know he needs more grown-up activities but this is a life-long thing with him. He gets what he wants and then when he tires of it we’re back to square one. We have to address the character issue.

    All that being said, since I knew we were going to have an intense transition period with him, I started school with him today. Books are currently on the floor while he baby-talks, etc. Yes, he’s almost 11. This is nothing new so I’m prepared to sit here all day if needed. School will be done and done well (purposely saying “bobulo” for “ambulo ” doesn’t count)

    My question is this: his behaviors are so far behind his age and we can exercise proper consequences all day long but both my husband and myself feel like there’s more to this. What, we have no idea.

    Sometimes I see glimpses of things that remind me of someone on the spectrum (his cousin has Asperger’s and we have a friend with PDD-NOS) But he’s shy/nervous but not unsocial. He loves weather and listens to the weather radio a few times a week, but isn’t obsessed. He’s just baby-ish. In everything. He said he doesn’t know when he’s acting that way, so I point it out and he tries to stop. For speech, it usually only lasts for a minute or two. For actions, a little longer.

    Does this sound familiar to anyone? I don’t even know that an eval would address any of this?
    Jennifer
    Blog: [url]www.seekingdelectare.com[/url]

    DS16
    MP: Lit 10, VideoText Algebra
    MPOA: High School Comp. II
    HSC: Spanish I, Conceptual Physics, Modern European History, and electives

    DS15
    MP: Biology, Lit 10, VideoText Algebra, Greek Tragedies
    MPOA: High School Comp. II, Fourth Form Latin
    HSC: Modern European History

    DS12
    7M with:
    Second Form Latin, EGR III, and HSC for US History

    DS11
    SC Level 4

    DD9
    3A, with First Form Latin (long story!)

    DD7/8
    Still in SC Level 2

    DD 4/5
    SC Level C

    #2
    Of course we cannot know without observing, but here are a few somewhat random thoughts:

    1. This could be nothing more than some errant behaviors to address, or it could be "something."

    2. Just a reminder: Autism does not always present with unsocial behaviors. (My children are good examples.) It's the quality of the social-communication difficulties, not always the absence of social communication. This is not to say that what you are seeing is on the autism spectrum. I'm just clarifying that common misconception.

    3. You will want to equip him to become more self-sufficient. Avoid rescuing him. Avoid giving him any extra attention or "payoff" for the baby talk, whining, complaining. ""Bobulo" for "ambulo" is an incorrect answer, so it can be marked incorrect. Perhaps incorrect answers need to be written 5 times correctly to impress the correct form? Stolen property needs to be returned. Unauthorized food needs to be paid for, if not in money then in chores. When he is bored, you might use statements like, "I'm sure you'll figure it out."

    4. This is good news: "I point it out and he tries to stop. For speech, it usually only lasts for a minute or two. For actions, a little longer."


    5. A local homeschooling friend of mine experienced this with her daughter at about this same age over a decade ago. The daughter, one of six children classically homeschooled, reverted to baby talk and did not "hear" herself do this, but the baby talk irritated everyone in the family, especially my friend. My friend never found a good solution; however, her daughter graduated last year from Hillsdale and is a poised, articulate, and accomplished writer working full time. At age 23 this lovely young woman seems to have no further need for baby talk.

    6. I do feel for you. Boys can be inherently perplexing! We find in our house that encouraging self-sufficiency, responsibility, and chivalry helps boys to rise to the occasion. Maybe he's ready to rise!

    7. The Little Britches series came in handy for us when my son was 11 and having some of the same difficulties. The young man in the story had to become a man quickly. The stories present quite a contrast to the protracted adolescence of today. You both might find the books inspiring if time permits.

    8. If your concerns persist, you might consider asking your pediatrician or someone else in-person as a "screening" to see if something further should occur for him.

    Let us know if you find any answers!
    Last edited by cherylswope; 08-27-2019, 01:44 PM.

    Comment


      #3
      No time to respond in deep, Girl Scouts in a few minutes,...but honey we need to go for wine together!

      My boy is 11 and is right there too. (See my other post about my exasperation trying to herd these children) this week.

      My son is all toddler-clingy baby talky. "me love mommy" stuff too. Oy!
      Married to DH for 14 years. Living the rural life in the Colorado mountains

      DS11- Simply Classical 5/6
      DD9- Simply Classical 5/6 (neurotypical, but schooling with big brother to save mom's sanity)
      DD 6- Classic Core First Grade

      We've completed:
      Classic Core Jr. kindergarten, kindergarten, first grade, and second grade.
      Simply Classical levels B, C, 1, 2, 3, and 4.

      Comment


        #4
        Originally posted by Colomama View Post
        No time to respond in deep, Girl Scouts in a few minutes,...but honey we need to go for wine together!

        My boy is 11 and is right there too. (See my other post about my exasperation trying to herd these children) this week.

        My son is all toddler-clingy baby talky. "me love mommy" stuff too. Oy!
        Those are his EXACT words!!! Yes. Wine. I wish CO wasn’t so far away!
        Jennifer
        Blog: [url]www.seekingdelectare.com[/url]

        DS16
        MP: Lit 10, VideoText Algebra
        MPOA: High School Comp. II
        HSC: Spanish I, Conceptual Physics, Modern European History, and electives

        DS15
        MP: Biology, Lit 10, VideoText Algebra, Greek Tragedies
        MPOA: High School Comp. II, Fourth Form Latin
        HSC: Modern European History

        DS12
        7M with:
        Second Form Latin, EGR III, and HSC for US History

        DS11
        SC Level 4

        DD9
        3A, with First Form Latin (long story!)

        DD7/8
        Still in SC Level 2

        DD 4/5
        SC Level C

        Comment


          #5
          Might I recommend the Decoy Cabernet? Smooth and finishes well. No after effects either.

          That's all I've got.

          Good luck Mama(s).

          Melissa

          DS (MP3) - 9
          DS (MP2) - 7/8
          DS (K) - 6
          DD (Adorable distraction) 2 1/2

          Comment


            #6
            I realized that I didn’t make much sense in my original post...we don’t think he’s on the spectrum, it’s just that conversations/information about the spectrum is the only place I’ve heard of these types of behaviors. Since we don’t think that is what’s going on with him, I don’t know if a neuropsychologist evaluation will do us any good. But I could be wrong, hence my poorly-worded attempt at asking for feedback on that.

            He was doing much better today until this afternoon when we got to the Latin vocabulary drill box. He started making repetitive/obnoxious noises, complaining that it was too hard (he writes beautifully and did his written math work this morning without complaint). I asked him why he was making the noises and he said “it gives me something to do other than Latin.” I then asked him why he makes the noises at other times and he said it gives him something to do when he’s bored. So, we now know that those are a choice and we know how to address that one.

            I also asked him why he baby-talks and he said he doesn’t know. He said he can’t control it (which I fully believe since he has to work really hard not to do it when we remind him).

            He’s always been immature and I think we’re seeing it more pointedly now that he’s entering puberty. He has two friends: one is 13 but is good with him and the other is almost 9. My son definitely relates more to the 8yo and counts him as his best friend; but he also wants the kids his age to take him seriously. They’re hit/miss and it’s hard to watch that (as so many here have expressed before).

            I guess we’ll keep doing what we’ve started recently with increased expectations and firmer consequences, and hope it all shakes out in the end.
            Jennifer
            Blog: [url]www.seekingdelectare.com[/url]

            DS16
            MP: Lit 10, VideoText Algebra
            MPOA: High School Comp. II
            HSC: Spanish I, Conceptual Physics, Modern European History, and electives

            DS15
            MP: Biology, Lit 10, VideoText Algebra, Greek Tragedies
            MPOA: High School Comp. II, Fourth Form Latin
            HSC: Modern European History

            DS12
            7M with:
            Second Form Latin, EGR III, and HSC for US History

            DS11
            SC Level 4

            DD9
            3A, with First Form Latin (long story!)

            DD7/8
            Still in SC Level 2

            DD 4/5
            SC Level C

            Comment


              #7
              Does any of that remind you a bit of Peter Pan? In fact, I looked it up - and there is something called "Peter Pan syndrome".

              I didn't say anything earlier because I wasn't sure it was relevant but I may be in the same boat. My nearly 6 year old is a small guy - as in, he was in the 2% for the longest time and has gradually gotten to the 10% for height/weight. We've had him tested and basically, they are telling me he is just a small guy and it's probably genetic as other family members exhibit the same thing. He behaves 'younger" frequently - and I always attributed it to him being the younger of 3 boys close in age and for the longest time, he was the "baby"...until sister showed up. In many ways, he has more in common with younger kids rather than kids his age or older. He's certainly much smaller (by several inches) than the same kids his age.

              And he baby-talks. A lot. He whines and squeaks. His voice is normal but he tries to use high pitched shrills to be baby-like. He tries to talk in one to two word sentences. I have actually had to tell him it's not appropriate any more and that he has to talk like a "big man" and not a small baby. HIs comprehension is fine, but you will hear him "squeaking", "whining" or even "fake crying" sometimes and it sounds like there is a much smaller child making the noises. He wants to crawl into my lap and have me hold him like a "baby" and I don't allow it (even though I would love to). It's weird because I feel like I'm having to actually convince him to grow up more because he finds things younger as "more fun". That is, until older brothers get to do something that he can't do yet. All of a sudden, he wants to be "bigger". It's not a lack of capability - it really seems like choice. This is the same little guy that I had to nearly sit on to make him do his math. He understood it just fine...but didn't feel like doing it. He'd sing, play with his eraser, or fall out of his chair, drop his pencil...something. I held him back and I'm doing full scale non-modified MPK this year and it's going a lot better. I'm going about it a different way - I'm taking him to an entirely different room of the house (the guest room), and we sit on the bed and he gets just one on one attention.

              Truthfully, for your big guy, he's starting to see that too - school isn't as much "fun" and it's a lot more like real work. Gone are the days of the enjoyable Read-Alouds and here are the days of conjugating and declining Latin and writing out what seems like miserably long answers to all of the workbooks. Sure, it's interesting, but maybe not "fun", exactly. He has younger siblings doing things that look more fun (as he remembers it), and he is watching older siblings having to really work hard - and maybe he doesn't like what he sees so he chooses to stay put - a la Peter Pan.

              I don't have an answer for you because if a kid can turn this behavior "on and off" when they want to, or when they are called on it, then I don't know what is left but a firm holding of the line of what is expected because this kind of personality will try to utilize any flexibility of the parent.

              The only other thing is this:
              I Corinthians 13: 11 When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. 12 Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity.[c] All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.

              Maybe use the Bible directly to show that there isn't a reward for staying "forever young" on purpose. God has a lot more to give, and you and Dad have a lot more to give. Maybe this will remind him that yes, getting older means more work, but there are rich rewards for moving from one of life's seasons to the next. God doesn't want us to stop "growing up"...ever... and that's even true of Mama and Dad. Maybe if he understand that you aren't done "growing" either, it will make sense that he doesn't get to a finish line of adulthood and "stop" at the ripe old age of 18. Every year is more "work"...but every single year is "richer" than the last.

              Or a visual: Show him some baby food - the really yucky kind that smelled weird - the kind you give to infants learning solids. What's his favorite food? (I'm hoping it's not apple sauce - hopefully it's steak or pizza or something with textures and requires lots of chewing) Show him the transition from the one to the other and how he had to move forward to enjoy the incredible. Whatever that halfway mark was, ask if he is glad he took those brave steps to the next level of food. Again, the reward for choosing to go to the next level isn't small - it's huge.

              What about an internal visual? Kind of like the movie Hook. Sure, Peter Pan loved flying...but nothing, not even flying and fairies and pirates and Indians and swords - compared to getting to be that most incredible thing of all... "Dad". That's an adventure he doesn't want to miss.
              Have him (your son) close his eyes, and envision it. Paint the picture for him. He's taller and years older. His loving wife is there and he gets to hold his own teeny tiny little baby in his arms for the first time. Have him sit there and think about the baby's face. The baby has his grandfathers eyes, and his wife's lips, but that chin is unmistakably his own (your son's). This baby is sleeping soundly, and the little head is so small that it fits under his (your son's) chin. Ask him, what does his home look like? What kind of home is he taking this teeny tiny baby - that won't let go of his finger - to be raised and cared for? See if you can't make him picture as much of his future as possible. Ask if it's a nice picture... does he like it? Ask him to imagine this baby getting older, and getting to do something with his child that he loved to do with either you or Dad. Ask him to see even further - there are more kids. There's the craziness of Xmas, the adventures of vacations to places that even he has never been to, and there's the major job - he's in charge of getting his family safely there and back again. I'm just making this stuff up, but hopefully, my thinking is making sense. I don't know your kiddo so I'm just wildly throwing out ideas here. The idea is to make him see a future that needs your son as a Man...not as a child. That moving forward is so incredible, that whatever costs (work) needed along the way don't really compare to the rewards.

              I had a music teacher once that asked us, in 9th grade on the first day of school, to sing. Then, he asked us to sing like we thought 12th graders would sing. "Miraculously", our voices sounded more mature. Then he asked us to sing like 25 year olds. Then again as 40 year olds. Just thinking about the change forced us to "try" to change. And once we tried, we never sounded like a 9th grade choir again. We became "more" just because we could "see it".

              If it is truly a problem that he can't control at all, rather than a choice on his part, then ignore all of this. It's not relevant. I hope you know I'm just trying to help.

              Good luck Mama
              Melissa

              DS (MP3) - 9
              DS (MP2) - 7/8
              DS (K) - 6
              DD (Adorable distraction) 2 1/2

              Comment


                #8
                Jen,

                A really quick message but as I’ve had my head in ADHD books and resources lately...Russell Barkley says w ADHD to assume a 30% lag in maturity...ie. think of 9yo with ADHD having 6yo immaturity. Are there any other signs of something like that? Just a thought!

                Sarah
                Sarah

                Aussies from Sydney, Australia
                Miriam 9yo Latina Christiana, R&S4, IEW Phonetic Zoo, IEW Grammar
                Jonny 7yo (Special Needs) SC1 Phonics, R&S1
                Elissa (almost) 4yo K phonics, R&S Preschool books

                Together this term (in Circle Time) we are doing Bible time with SC1 Story Bible and our own memorisation/songs, Myself and Others 2, Homer Price, Greek Myths, IEW Poetry Memorisation, speech therapy, The Body Book, Artventure and picture books from SCB/SC1 etc.

                Thomas 17 months

                Comment


                  #9
                  That’s what I have always heard, too, Sarah. I used to attend a CHADD support group mtg and that was mentioned often.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    I've always gone off of when my son first started making audible noises, consonant sounds. He was over 2 and a half...so atleast 2 years behind. So, I've always just thought of him not as 11, but as 8 or 9. That pretty much matches his academic level and his preference in friends age.
                    Married to DH for 14 years. Living the rural life in the Colorado mountains

                    DS11- Simply Classical 5/6
                    DD9- Simply Classical 5/6 (neurotypical, but schooling with big brother to save mom's sanity)
                    DD 6- Classic Core First Grade

                    We've completed:
                    Classic Core Jr. kindergarten, kindergarten, first grade, and second grade.
                    Simply Classical levels B, C, 1, 2, 3, and 4.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      One thing I think that should give some comfort is that it is a lag, not an inability. If this were a chemistry experiment, it would be one that would just take a little longer to go to completion - but would still go to completion if we want it to.

                      I am cautious about moving the line. If I am reading Cheryl's book correctly, the crux of the problem of public education for all kids, and most especially special needs kids, is that we utterly and completely moved the line for what could and should be expected.

                      When it comes to behavior, I'm probably even more hesitant to allow that line to move. For so many people, certain acceptable behaviors seem innate. I'm not one of those people, but I'm still working on it. If there is a behavior that isn't acceptable, the only way to acquire the right behavior is to practice it, no matter how weird it feels. C.S. Lewis really helped me here. “Do not waste time bothering whether you ‘love’ your neighbor; act as if you did. As soon as we do this we find one of the great secrets. When you are behaving as if you loved someone, you will presently come to love him.”

                      I don't think he's trying to tell us to fake love here, hoping it will form. He's saying that the internal bond of love (maybe even something innate) isn't based on feelings in the first place - it's based on the practice of doing. When you change your behavior, even when it feels a bit odd, you will change "you" - classic "you", on the inside.

                      Does the very practice of a thing that doesn't feel natural, produce the very internal thing we were supposed to have (that everyone else seemed to have) all along? If anything, rather than move the line for what we expect of a kid with immaturity issues and reduce the expectation, should we actually try move the line the other direction and expect more work, recognizing that it's not innately there? What I mean is this: If we can't expect them the naturally know what to do as an 11 year old (or 6 year old), we must expect and require them to unnaturally try to do it anyways through practiced work - and let them know that is exactly what we (as parents) are doing.

                      So, if I expect a 6 year old to behave a certain way and he can't, I'm not going to try to spend the next 3 years getting him to behave like a 6 year old should. Instead, maybe have him practice like he's a 9 year old using very specific activities. He's going to know its hard work and technically a huge stretch and a challenge and feel weird. He's going to know it doesn't feel natural. But is that better than letting him think that he's got to somehow find his way emotionally forward? And how can he do that if I've moved the line backwards? I'm probably not making sense here, but I'm trying to say that it's not worth our or their time trying to get them to act their age now. If we target what we would expect 3 years from now for all kids, start those specific practices now.

                      To go back to that analogy with chemistry, when this happens, you usually need to apply heat, or an enzyme or pressure to ensue it goes to completion because it won't come out of stasis without something forcing it to.

                      Just my brainstorming guys. Hope you are all having a good morning!
                      Melissa

                      DS (MP3) - 9
                      DS (MP2) - 7/8
                      DS (K) - 6
                      DD (Adorable distraction) 2 1/2

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Originally posted by Colomama View Post
                        I've always gone off of when my son first started making audible noises, consonant sounds. He was over 2 and a half...so atleast 2 years behind. So, I've always just thought of him not as 11, but as 8 or 9. That pretty much matches his academic level and his preference in friends age.
                        I understand this reasoning, and definitely don't have any argument against it..... but, in reality, there's a lot that goes into understanding a child's global maturity level. Even the often-accepted ADHD community's belief that these kids have a 30% lag is a bit general for me.

                        My teen (17.5) was speaking 2 word sentences at a year old. (Single words at 9 months old.) Yet his first 6 years of life were full of PT, Speech and OT. He had a hand//bone age scan which showed his bone age at 1.5-2 years below his chronological age. His intellect and comprehension are far beyond his age, yet he's still got a ways to go before being through with puberty. And most people guess he's 15 instead of 17. So, yeah, it's all a bit confusing. And for him I wouldn't agree with this 30% lag thing because that would mean he's developmentally 12? (Taking off 30% of 17 years?) I can safely say he's definitely not 12-ish, that's for sure. But he still has a ways to go with life skills and isn't showing interest in independent driving, etc.

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Originally posted by sarahandrew View Post
                          Jen,

                          A really quick message but as I’ve had my head in ADHD books and resources lately...Russell Barkley says w ADHD to assume a 30% lag in maturity...ie. think of 9yo with ADHD having 6yo immaturity. Are there any other signs of something like that? Just a thought!

                          Sarah
                          Yes, we've always known that there's some element of ADHD going on; we came across the 30% theory a couple of years ago and looking back, my husband could see it in his own life (he was undiagnosed until his early twenties) and thinking about our son having that lag really worries him. Especially since it can get worse the older you get because it's 30% of current age.

                          The OT he received helped greatly on the attention side of things but the overall immaturity remains.


                          Originally posted by MBentley View Post
                          So, if I expect a 6 year old to behave a certain way and he can't, I'm not going to try to spend the next 3 years getting him to behave like a 6 year old should. Instead, maybe have him practice like he's a 9 year old using very specific activities. He's going to know its hard work and technically a huge stretch and a challenge and feel weird. He's going to know it doesn't feel natural. But is that better than letting him think that he's got to somehow find his way emotionally forward? And how can he do that if I've moved the line backwards? I'm probably not making sense here, but I'm trying to say that it's not worth our or their time trying to get them to act their age now. If we target what we would expect 3 years from now for all kids, start those specific practices now.

                          To go back to that analogy with chemistry, when this happens, you usually need to apply heat, or an enzyme or pressure to ensue it goes to completion because it won't come out of stasis without something forcing it to.

                          Just my brainstorming guys. Hope you are all having a good morning!
                          The problem is that means you're asking them to jump off the high-dive instead of meeting them where they're at and working on the mid-dive (to use Cheryl's diving board analogy). Cheryl speaks about Independent, Instructional and Frustration levels. We should only assign what they can already do at an independent level, and then teach what stretches them at a moderate level for the instructional level (staying with them through it). Anything beyond a reasonable challenge is frustration level and can actually delay their progress.

                          cherylswope : How do you close the maturity gap (and/or prevent it from increasing with age) without putting a child at their frustration level?
                          Jennifer
                          Blog: [url]www.seekingdelectare.com[/url]

                          DS16
                          MP: Lit 10, VideoText Algebra
                          MPOA: High School Comp. II
                          HSC: Spanish I, Conceptual Physics, Modern European History, and electives

                          DS15
                          MP: Biology, Lit 10, VideoText Algebra, Greek Tragedies
                          MPOA: High School Comp. II, Fourth Form Latin
                          HSC: Modern European History

                          DS12
                          7M with:
                          Second Form Latin, EGR III, and HSC for US History

                          DS11
                          SC Level 4

                          DD9
                          3A, with First Form Latin (long story!)

                          DD7/8
                          Still in SC Level 2

                          DD 4/5
                          SC Level C

                          Comment


                            #14
                            I feel like I'm always on the other side. And I hate that.

                            I have no idea how you approach learning outside of some level of frustration. Think recitation in K/1/2. Half of those questions hit long before we've hit the material itself. Why would we ask any kid to memorize what hasn't been taught yet? The only people that don't get frustrated are the ones with some natural skills in select subject areas, yet those are the real ones to watch out for because those same kids can get lazy and quit trying having become accustomed to easy. I can't be the only one with scores of family members and old friends who had incredible innate talents early, but those talents proved useless, fatal even, because when life hit, they failed in every way conceivable because they skipped by early life without having to practice work - like exposure to frustration and learning what to do about it.

                            Frustration is kind of a companion to learning and one of life's biggest teachers. I always paint it differently - I tell the kids that I love it when we get to that point - when they tell me it's hard or they are frustrated, I clap my hands, and tell them "Finally....now we we know where step 1 of the next level is". I make it a point to show enthusiasm when we deal with it because I am truly happy about it. I get to teach them a bigger lesson besides what the academic work is trying to teach, and I let them know that is exactly what I'm doing - going beyond academia. I remove the negative of it and teach the value of it, treating it like it's a good thing because I fervently believe it is a good thing. It's when you get to the point of frustration that you have to decide if you are going to quit, or recognize that frustration is just an emotion - a really temporary one - but mastery of anything ( and everything) is based only on practice and you aren't born "practiced", no matter what innate skill set you have. How do we teach that lesson without making them face it over and over? How do we teach them not to be scared of it? How do we teach them that it is absolutely not a full stop without training them to live through it rather than avoid it?
                            Last edited by MBentley; 08-30-2019, 01:20 PM.
                            Melissa

                            DS (MP3) - 9
                            DS (MP2) - 7/8
                            DS (K) - 6
                            DD (Adorable distraction) 2 1/2

                            Comment


                              #15
                              I think all of the above suggestions can be compatible! MBentley's recommendation involves looking ahead to where we would like for them to be. If my son is 11 but thinking and acting more like 6, it might help me to think where I want him to be at 15. Will I still be making all of his meals, giving him dozens of reminders about the most basic tasks, even preparing his bath? Or might I have a different vision for him at 15?

                              We can take our mental glimpse of where we want him to be, and set some goals accordingly. This does not need to be a leaping forward to 15-year-old-equivalent expectations right now (i.e., Frustration), but could help you initiate some incremental changes.

                              You might begin with his own areas of interest. Does he like to be in charge of the pet, house plants, dusting, sweeping, sharpening pencils, making breakfast for himself or others, helping a neighbor, reading to or playing with a younger sibling, earn money for extra jobs around the house? If he responds to titles, you can give him one. He can be the official ____ of your home. In one homeschooling family I observed not long ago that the middle boy was squished out by two capable older sisters and a very demanding younger brother with special needs. His mom wisely noticed that the boy loved vacuuming. She gave him some tips and then ceremoniously made him captain of all things vacuuming. When people came over and commented on the clean house or the smoothly vacuumed carpet, she made a point to say, "That's all Jack. He has taken over the vacuuming for us." Anything small thing like that can be a way to move from Instructional to independent without bumping into Frustration.

                              We found that adults outside our family played a large role in maturing our son.
                              - Our pastor who respected our son's interest in theology during catechism class (7th & 8th grade in our tradition)
                              - Our neighbor who hired our son to rake leaves even though our neighbor knew it would take our son several days to do a job that could be done in an afternoon. He just paid by the job, not by the hour!
                              - A scoutmaster who agreed to take our son into his troop serving boys two years younger.
                              - Grandpa who taught our son to make bacon.
                              etc....



                              Comment

                              Working...
                              X