OT: Why You’re Tired

[Anita]

After a grueling two months (or more) of house work, painting, juggling contractors, house shopping, bossing solo (I have an out of town husband who only comes home on weekends), driving a state away to drop off my children, flying cross-country at 4AM, driving around Colorado for two days, taking the red-eye back to the east coast, sleeping about three hours, driving home another four hours with tired kids and coming home to a house that was just tramped through by about 50 people... Y’ALL: I AM TIRED.

This has been a productive season; a reflective season; a strengthening and weakening season; a season to get my bearings and consider my moorings. I cannot say that I have sought God in all things, but I have sought Him in most things. And that has made a world of difference. I know that my weakness is His strength and that whatever business I have to leave undone, He will cover with grace. I just have to place my faith on His altar — sometimes multiple times a day. And I have found greater value in His rest. (“So then, a sabbath rest still remains for the people of God; for those who enter God’s rest also cease from their labors as God did from His.” Heb 4:10)

We have cut school for the past few weeks as we have been racing around to make our home presentable for listing. It was necessary to make all the fine-tuning possible, but I see how that has affected my children. Their stability has been taken away and I have to take this week to intentionally get us back on track. Nothing radical, just an hour or so of the basics, along with some fun things thrown in for relaxation. We still need to keep our schedule fairly open and flexible for home showings.

My word for the year (if you subscribe to such a thing, you’ll know this process) is “gratitude”. While I am always passively thankful, I am not actively, vocally, as thankful and gracious as I’d like to be. The trait of gratitude is something I confess I need to cultivate in order to remove a self-focus that frustrates me, my relationships, my relation to God and to my neighbor. Ingratitude makes me small, dull, unproductive and bitter. I am not salt or light if I am not gracious. I cannot be a city on a hill if I do not give thanks for the altitude. I am just tired, bitter, overwhelmed, enduring with gritted teeth (instead of an open hand) and end up creating *more* work for myself — having to undo the knots with which I bind myself.

This season of busyness is not unnecessary, but some of the items in it are. And the way in which I approach it will either grow me or cripple me. My desire is to approach it with confidence, saying “Thank You,” instead of “How much longer is Lent?!” We set the moving date for our cross-country relocation not knowing that the day we are to arrive in our new home is the Sunday after Easter — Divine Mercy Sunday. If I cannot see God going ahead of me in this — and thank Him for it — I must have a giant log in my eye!

So this post is to share with — AND encourage — you all. Seasons are just that. They end. Spring always comes, along with its flowers. We may be wandering now, but we are not far from home. Thank God for the journey and every stop along the way <3.

[robopanda5]

Re: OT: Why You’re Tired

That was beautifully written. Thank you so much

[SPearson]

Re: OT: Why You’re Tired

Anita,

This is beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing. We went through something almost identical in the 8 weeks between Nov. '08 to Jan. '09 (preparing a home to sell, listing, showing, taking a 48 hour r/t flight between the 2 coasts to find a place to live, etc.) as we made a somewhat sudden move from CA to VA (which felt like moving to a foreign country! LOL) Anyway, it is very exhausting, yet you live on adrenaline. You press through as there's no way around it all but through it. Grabbing hold of precious moments and staying rooting and unwavering in your spirit of praise and thanksgiving will be the key to getting through it all, as you share here.

You are the cheerleader here on the forum for moms taking care of themselves.....so you already know the answers and what you need to do for yourself.

Thankful for your transparency,

SusanP in VA (waving good-bye as you leave us here in the Commonwealth)

[KF2000]

Re: OT: Why You’re Tired

Hey there Anita! I read your post this morning and totally felt your pain...and was thinking about it a lot because of how recently I felt like I had moved to the far side of the moon. Then I had the following experience...

I had to take little man to the cardiologist to get the "totally clean bill of health" he needed after being inside of me for 8.5 months...(which he got - he's now "officially" perfect!) and on the way there the traffic on the highway suddenly came to a standstill. Six short months ago, I would have sat still, endured the wait, been late to our appointment and subsequently had a terrible time of it. But now, after seven months of running up to "town" (Memphis), I jumped off the closest exit and made my way there through regular streets - no GPS needed! That alone felt awesome.

But then, coming home I decided to avoid the interstate altogether so I again drove through town. When I got to the corner where Costco is, I remembered the emotions I experienced the very first time I had to visit that Costco. We were less than a month in, it felt like I had driven an eternity to get there, the kids were starving from us finding our way from one errand to the next, they did not have a lot of things our "old" Costco had, and it felt all around awful and miserable to have absolutely no idea where we were. I did not even know which direction was home. Today, I breezed by with the gleeful sensation that I not only knew the way home, but I knew where everything was all around me in every direction. And the sun was even shining after weeks and weeks of rain.

What you are going through is so hard - and it is still so fresh in my memory as well. I had people tell me over and over to be patient - which is a good reminder, but is so hard to endure. I will continue to pray for you, and hope that you will not need 7 months to begin to feel at home in your new surroundings like I did! And a hopeful prayer that you will not have to do it again for a long time...

AMDG,
Sarah

[sarahandrew]

Re: OT: Why You’re Tired

That was a good verse Anita. It makes me determined to dig out my Bible from wherever it has disappeared to in the mess of our recently moved house. I’m embarrassed to admit that one of my last packed things because it’s so important has not been found yet...but such have things been. Prayers yes, but mostly the on the go or in response to yet something else. My 2 year old has been crying too much in the mornings most days to get a quiet time, she was so anxious and stressed out that on Saturday she was screaming and we were supposed to drive 1.5hrs to a wedding (a byo picnic reception and not close to me at all) so I said sorry we are not going. My husband said no, we are going to the swimming pool. And we did.

We moved 10 days ago, to a house provided through my husbands mentor/colleague/supervisor through his doctorate and very much his ‘doctor father’ as I’ve been told it’s said in German’, a private rental, under market rent etc...(we needed to move closer to my husbands work, the 3hr travel time 4 days/week just wasnt working) but the previous tenants (it had been rented through the Salvation Army) had not cleaned nearly, even remotely well enough...and the landlords saw it the morning we did...and there were cockroaches, a massive infestation. (Crawling on us in our sleep bad, setting off the smoke alarms, swarming in our clean washing.) I cried the night we moved in. The day after, my husband cried (our 8 year old daughter saw him cry for the first time, he’s not much of a crier but it was that bad) and seriously suggested we use our savings to pay movers to move us home. We are just getting past the point of vacillating between moving etc, after my very kind dad paid $2000 for cleaners to clean this place, (it needed scrubbing and is huge.)

I’ve just spent months sorting out trades and being out of the house while tiling etc was happening in our own house, prepping it for rental, and in our horrid humid summer too (Feb is our worst month of year but for different reasons) with my ASD kid who relaxes by digging and playing outdoors going out of his mind indoors and not able to play because of excavator/gardener delay/new turf.

Did I mention being pregnant, having a new baby and now we’re back to trades etc to fix up the broken things here...this was supposed to be my rest now!!!

We started back properly on our lessons today, no longer having to spent that awful awkward time hanging about out of the house cause of trades/pest control/cleaners or visiting my grandmother in hospital. We were still kind of on light duties really but all 3 did work and felt good about it too...order is being established and it does feel good for us all.

But who is the last one to get some rest - me, cause I’m the mum. That’s ok, I’m glad it’s me who gets to rest last, but it feels a long time coming. Fortunately Thomas is an easy baby and I bounce back from having babies pretty well and my husband has been working so so hard too...but oh boy I’m so hearing what you’re saying Anita and I will pray for you when I’m praying for rest for myself. And all that settling in stuff too. I used to live in Sydney but I have got culture shock. People keep making comments on how many kids I have cause it’s so unusual here!

You may have already said this in the time it’s taken me to write my little vent here, but did you find a house?

[sarahandrew]

Re: OT: Why You’re Tired

Hey there Anita! I read your post this morning and totally felt your pain...and was thinking about it a lot because of how recently I felt like I had moved to the far side of the moon. Then I had the following experience...

I had to take little man to the cardiologist to get the "totally clean bill of health" he needed after being inside of me for 8.5 months...(which he got - he's now "officially" perfect!) and on the way there the traffic on the highway suddenly came to a standstill. Six short months ago, I would have sat still, endured the wait, been late to our appointment and subsequently had a terrible time of it. But now, after seven months of running up to "town" (Memphis), I jumped off the closest exit and made my way there through regular streets - no GPS needed! That alone felt awesome.

But then, coming home I decided to avoid the interstate altogether so I again drove through town. When I got to the corner where Costco is, I remembered the emotions I experienced the very first time I had to visit that Costco. We were less than a month in, it felt like I had driven an eternity to get there, the kids were starving from us finding our way from one errand to the next, they did not have a lot of things our "old" Costco had, and it felt all around awful and miserable to have absolutely no idea where we were. I did not even know which direction was home. Today, I breezed by with the gleeful sensation that I not only knew the way home, but I knew where everything was all around me in every direction. And the sun was even shining after weeks and weeks of rain.

What you are going through is so hard - and it is still so fresh in my memory as well. I had people tell me over and over to be patient - which is a good reminder, but is so hard to endure. I will continue to pray for you, and hope that you will not need 7 months to begin to feel at home in your new surroundings like I did! And a hopeful prayer that you will not have to do it again for a long time...

AMDG,
Sarah

Glad to hear your little boy is so healthy hope you are going well too.

It’s the little things with moving isn’t it...I thought I was so adaptable, haha! The people in my family who whinged and made a fuss about how awful it would be to move have actually coped the best!

[KF2000]

Re: OT: Why You’re Tired

Glad to hear your little boy is so healthy hope you are going well too.

It’s the little things with moving isn’t it...I thought I was so adaptable, haha! The people in my family who whinged and made a fuss about how awful it would be to move have actually coped the best!

Glad to hear you are recovering well and that your little guy is so good as well - but so hard to hear other things in your life (housing!!!) have been so difficult. And yes, we have seen a variety of reactions here too - some were immediate, but others were more delayed. I have had to keep my mom radar up a great deal to keep up on how everyone has been doing. It didn't happen all at once! I hope your little crew will adapt easily!

And yours, too, Anita! (And others who are moving as well....it does seem as though there are several of us right now!)

AMDG,
Sarah

[Anita]

Re: OT: Why You’re Tired

That was a good verse Anita. It makes me determined to dig out my Bible from wherever it has disappeared to in the mess of our recently moved house. I’m embarrassed to admit that one of my last packed things because it’s so important has not been found yet...but such have things been. Prayers yes, but mostly the on the go or in response to yet something else. My 2 year old has been crying too much in the mornings most days to get a quiet time, she was so anxious and stressed out that on Saturday she was screaming and we were supposed to drive 1.5hrs to a wedding (a byo picnic reception and not close to me at all) so I said sorry we are not going. My husband said no, we are going to the swimming pool. And we did.

We moved 10 days ago, to a house provided through my husbands mentor/colleague/supervisor through his doctorate and very much his ‘doctor father’ as I’ve been told it’s said in German’, a private rental, under market rent etc...(we needed to move closer to my husbands work, the 3hr travel time 4 days/week just wasnt working) but the previous tenants (it had been rented through the Salvation Army) had not cleaned nearly, even remotely well enough...and the landlords saw it the morning we did...and there were cockroaches, a massive infestation. (Crawling on us in our sleep bad, setting off the smoke alarms, swarming in our clean washing.) I cried the night we moved in. The day after, my husband cried (our 8 year old daughter saw him cry for the first time, he’s not much of a crier but it was that bad) and seriously suggested we use our savings to pay movers to move us home. We are just getting past the point of vacillating between moving etc, after my very kind dad paid $2000 for cleaners to clean this place, (it needed scrubbing and is huge.)

I’ve just spent months sorting out trades and being out of the house while tiling etc was happening in our own house, prepping it for rental, and in our horrid humid summer too (Feb is our worst month of year but for different reasons) with my ASD kid who relaxes by digging and playing outdoors going out of his mind indoors and not able to play because of excavator/gardener delay/new turf.

Did I mention being pregnant, having a new baby and now we’re back to trades etc to fix up the broken things here...this was supposed to be my rest now!!!

We started back properly on our lessons today, no longer having to spent that awful awkward time hanging about out of the house cause of trades/pest control/cleaners or visiting my grandmother in hospital. We were still kind of on light duties really but all 3 did work and felt good about it too...order is being established and it does feel good for us all.

But who is the last one to get some rest - me, cause I’m the mum. That’s ok, I’m glad it’s me who gets to rest last, but it feels a long time coming. Fortunately Thomas is an easy baby and I bounce back from having babies pretty well and my husband has been working so so hard too...but oh boy I’m so hearing what you’re saying Anita and I will pray for you when I’m praying for rest for myself. And all that settling in stuff too. I used to live in Sydney but I have got culture shock. People keep making comments on how many kids I have cause it’s so unusual here!

You may have already said this in the time it’s taken me to write my little vent here, but did you find a house?

COCKROACHES?! Crawling on you in your SLEEP?! ANNNND a new baby? (Heebee-jeebee, skin-crawling, arm-wiggling dance) Ewwwwwwwwwwww. I would cry, too! GIRL: Now I’m praying for YOU.

Yes, we found a house. We went to Colorado (over 1000 miles away from our current home) last weekend to look at the home. We contracted on it, sight unseen (we went under contract based on listing photos, satellite images, google street walk, realtor feedback and crime rate reasearch). The housing market in the Denver area is expensive and FAST. If you find a house in your price range that checks all the boxes, get it. Or it will be gone. The house is great, we have almost everything we need. And we got to meet the current owner (which is rare). We found that she and her husband are expecting their first baby and have a lot in common with our family, including our Faith. It was yet another puzzle piece that just fit right in to place.

Since we have just listed our own home, we need to get an offer on it and go under contract before May in order to avoid two mortgage payments, one here and one in Colorado. We own a great house in a great neighborhood, and this is peak season for real estate sales. So we are in good shape. Now it’s just a waiting game (while we try to live here with four kids, two cats and a dog, trying to keep this place clean for showings!).

It’s stressful, but doesn’t sound nearly as horrifying as a cockroach infestation and a crying husband I truly hope that you find peace and stability soon. Live in gratitude and savor every blessing <3

[howiecram]

Re: OT: Why You’re Tired

Oh wow! What hardships many of you are facing! My Dad was in the Navy, so moving was just a way of life. When I was 7? we moved to New Orleans. I seriously have fond memories of our roach infested rental. We got to stay up late and it was the first time I saw Romeo and Juliet. I can not imagine what my parents felt, or what it was like for them!

God is with you on this Anita! Prayers for everyone experiencing the hardships of moving!

[sarahandrew]

Re: OT: Why You’re Tired

Ahh my reply (on my phone) got deleted when I hit preview!

However, I just wanted to say thanks ladies. God has been so gracious to me. The roaches are finally dying in a big way...hooray! They were really messing with my head! We took matters into our own hands as the pest control guy had been woefully ineffective...a bit of Internet research and quite a bit of Advian (100% worth the expense) and I'm sweeping them up multiple times a day.

i went out this morning and bought myself some new clothes that fit. I normally sew most of my own clothes (I really enjoy this)...but I'm owning the fact that that sewing is not about to happen soon but at least I've got something that fits properly at this weird stage (7 weeks after having baby) of too small for maternity clothes but too big for normal ones...and feeling super frumpy.

Loving, loving, loving 3rd Grade with my 8yo who has matured so much and asking questions that I find hard to answer well...but I am just loving that we are discussing them, albeit in an imperfect way. Today she wanted to know "why don't we write in the same way we speak"...and why vigilante justice is not good (in relation to Farmer Boy).

And then today when I took Thomas to the doctors for his vaccinations I met the most lovely nurse who picked up on the fact that we were Christians, is one herself...was so encouraging of me homeschooling, gave me a Paediatrician recommendation, confirmed that the Speech Therapist I'd found is totally awesome. And my kids were so well behaved, in fact random people have been commenting on it when we've been out lately (this is a real first for me). Of course, at home it's another matter, but I'm so proud that at least there's some self control for when we're in public!

Apologies to Anita for pouring out my angst on her thread. Anita, I bet your new house is amazing, what a blessing to share something so important with the former owners...God is good. Such a huge distance to move though, keeping you in my prayers and hope to hear you've had a smooth relocation.

Christine, isn't it funny to think of what things were like for our own parents we just had no grasp of as kids!

Sarah, I've never been to Costco but I now live close enough to one. My father in law traveled to the US a lot before he retired and he loves trips to Costco so we are going to get the royal tour...at least something about the big city will be cheaper!

[Anita]

Re: OT: Why You’re Tired

Ahh my reply (on my phone) got deleted when I hit preview!

However, I just wanted to say thanks ladies. God has been so gracious to me. The roaches are finally dying in a big way...hooray! They were really messing with my head! We took matters into our own hands as the pest control guy had been woefully ineffective...a bit of Internet research and quite a bit of Advian (100% worth the expense) and I'm sweeping them up multiple times a day.

i went out this morning and bought myself some new clothes that fit. I normally sew most of my own clothes (I really enjoy this)...but I'm owning the fact that that sewing is not about to happen soon but at least I've got something that fits properly at this weird stage (7 weeks after having baby) of too small for maternity clothes but too big for normal ones...and feeling super frumpy.

Loving, loving, loving 3rd Grade with my 8yo who has matured so much and asking questions that I find hard to answer well...but I am just loving that we are discussing them, albeit in an imperfect way. Today she wanted to know "why don't we write in the same way we speak"...and why vigilante justice is not good (in relation to Farmer Boy).

And then today when I took Thomas to the doctors for his vaccinations I met the most lovely nurse who picked up on the fact that we were Christians, is one herself...was so encouraging of me homeschooling, gave me a Paediatrician recommendation, confirmed that the Speech Therapist I'd found is totally awesome. And my kids were so well behaved, in fact random people have been commenting on it when we've been out lately (this is a real first for me). Of course, at home it's another matter, but I'm so proud that at least there's some self control for when we're in public!

Apologies to Anita for pouring out my angst on her thread. Anita, I bet your new house is amazing, what a blessing to share something so important with the former owners...God is good. Such a huge distance to move though, keeping you in my prayers and hope to hear you've had a smooth relocation.

Christine, isn't it funny to think of what things were like for our own parents we just had no grasp of as kids!

Sarah, I've never been to Costco but I now live close enough to one. My father in law traveled to the US a lot before he retired and he loves trips to Costco so we are going to get the royal tour...at least something about the big city will be cheaper!

Apology *not* accepted! This thread was not for me, but for anyone who needed it. Clearly, I am not the only one!

So happy for your small blessings (and dead cockroaches!). Congratulations on your sweet baby <3

[MountainMi]

Re: OT: Why You’re Tired

Thank you ladies, I needed to find and read this today.

Wading through my misery and self blame about our school floundering for the last few months...when we are going through the same things...

Got the house prepped and listed...(no school)...abandon the house for the first 10 days of showings...(no school)...come back alone and exhausted with a contract on our house, but my husband already at his new job 6 hours away while I face just under two months of solo parenting, schooling, packing, pregnancy, etc...no wonder I am beating myself up about it...

No one wants to do school...I don't want to battle about that when there is so much else I need to get done...

I really need to take a deep breath, straighten our work, and move forward...today the temptations of shiny and new were peering at me from the FB Homeschool ads...and I found myself falling into the old track of thinking "maybe we need something different" I pulled down Teaching from Rest and it helped to remind me that I don't need something new...I just need to trust in God and place these children in his care and be open to the way that he is calling me to teach them during this trying transitional time...

God bless you all!

Heidi Adams

[Anita]

Re: OT: Why You’re Tired

Thank you ladies, I needed to find and read this today.

Wading through my misery and self blame about our school floundering for the last few months...when we are going through the same things...

Got the house prepped and listed...(no school)...abandon the house for the first 10 days of showings...(no school)...come back alone and exhausted with a contract on our house, but my husband already at his new job 6 hours away while I face just under two months of solo parenting, schooling, packing, pregnancy, etc...no wonder I am beating myself up about it...

No one wants to do school...I don't want to battle about that when there is so much else I need to get done...

I really need to take a deep breath, straighten our work, and move forward...today the temptations of shiny and new were peering at me from the FB Homeschool ads...and I found myself falling into the old track of thinking "maybe we need something different" I pulled down Teaching from Rest and it helped to remind me that I don't need something new...I just need to trust in God and place these children in his care and be open to the way that he is calling me to teach them during this trying transitional time...

God bless you all!

Heidi Adams

((((HUGS HEIDI)))) Glad we could validate your season a little.

We are signing closing documents on our new home in CO today and tomorrow (remotely from VA and PA — in a foot of snow); closing is Friday. Hoping all this weather doesn’t totally mess that up.

We reduced our own home by 10k and revised the listing because after three open houses and four weeks on the market, we still don’t have any offers and showings have come to a screeching halt. We are biting our nails, praying for dual mortgages to be just a bad dream and not a reality.

We move to CO in two weeks, but we have to camp out in our empty house in VA for three days after the movers leave with all our belongings because we can’t afford a hotel for six — and we can’t find one that takes two cats and a Golden Retriever to boot (can you even IMAGINE that circus in a hotel room?!).

We just realized yesterday that one of our cats has almost certainly gone blind in the last week. He’s 18 years old and may have to be put down. His health may be too fragile for a cross-country move.

We can’t fly out of the Richmond airport with animal cargo, so we are going to have to rent a minivan (our own cars will be in transit to CO), drive four kids, two cats and a giant, sloppy dog three hours to DC to fly out to CO — at least it’s a non-stop flight.

My husband will be in the new CO house with us for the week of the unpacking, but he will also be working during that week. However, after that week, he has to go back to PA until Summer. So I will be on my own on the wide frontier for about three months — 1400 miles away from my husband, my family, and my East Coast friends. The goal is to unpack and get some semblance of school and schedule and sanity started as soon as possible.

Before that, however, my older two children made their First Reconciliation last Sunday; are receiving First Holy Communion this Sunday; we get to spend one (last?) Easter with my sister, my five nieces and nephews, and family friends; and we are moving in to our new home on — of all days — Divine Mercy Sunday. So God is noticeably with us! <3 I changed my signature to remind myself of this.

You’re not alone by a long shot. And if you need to sound off on anything, just bump this thread. There is lots of support here.

Suggestions for you:
I know you’re likely just TOTALLY overwhelmed. The only thing that might sound appealing is to just close the door, shut everyone out and sleep. Do this. But do it in very small, appropriately-spaced doses. Permission granted! You need alone time. You need time to process all the crazy. You need rest! But you can’t stay there. Balance is important during this time.

To keep from totally dropping the ball here, we’ve gone to a two-hour school day while the house is on the market. If we have to do school in the public library, we can. We are there every Thursday. It keeps our week somewhat predictable and is something to look forward to.

Pray. Be honest. Be open. Be humble. God hears.

When you move:
Unpack in bits. Start school in bits. The older kids go first, one or two subjects the first week. Total school day would be about an hour. Anyone who complains, grumbles or resists doesn’t get their privileges. Anyone who cooperates gets a treat or extra privilege. The next week, add a half hour with an extra subject. So on and so forth. Rolling start. This will ease everyone in to the schooling mindset and keep you from losing yours. Keep things simple and don’t forget to be silly and goof off with your kids a little.

And Pray. Be honest. Be open. Be humble. God hears.

[sarahandrew]

Re: OT: Why You’re Tired

Ahh my reply just got deleted!!! And I don’t have time to retype it right now!

Prayers for you and your family Heidi! And for you Anita!

Sarah

[KF2000]

Re: OT: Why You’re Tired

Thank you ladies, I needed to find and read this today.

Wading through my misery and self blame about our school floundering for the last few months...when we are going through the same things...

Got the house prepped and listed...(no school)...abandon the house for the first 10 days of showings...(no school)...come back alone and exhausted with a contract on our house, but my husband already at his new job 6 hours away while I face just under two months of solo parenting, schooling, packing, pregnancy, etc...no wonder I am beating myself up about it...

No one wants to do school...I don't want to battle about that when there is so much else I need to get done...

I really need to take a deep breath, straighten our work, and move forward...today the temptations of shiny and new were peering at me from the FB Homeschool ads...and I found myself falling into the old track of thinking "maybe we need something different" I pulled down Teaching from Rest and it helped to remind me that I don't need something new...I just need to trust in God and place these children in his care and be open to the way that he is calling me to teach them during this trying transitional time...

God bless you all!

Heidi Adams

Hey Heidi!
So glad Anita’s thread helped pull you from the brink . I hope your moving transition goes smoothly, and I will be praying for you!

My aunt and uncle live in Charleston - will that be near where you are at all? They have been there forever and could totally help you out with anything.

Hugs, dear friend!
AMDG,
Sarah