Originally posted by Emilylovesbooks
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Great, great question. I think what I sense from your question is that struggle between:
A) I know in my head that what we are doing is right and good for them
but
B) I still feel drawn to the folks who talk about/promote/promise that children should love what they are doing for school. (or not even call it school...just "learning")
This is why I highlighted the phrase you included at the end. It reminds me a lot of the suggestions that boil down to "just provide rich, beautiful things and watch your children thrive." I spent quite a lot of research time in my early years of homeschooling reading such arguments, only to find them to be completely contradicted by my daily experience of raising a houseful of (naturally self-centered) little ones. Bear with me for a minute while I weave around to my real answer to your question.
What is attractive from tailoring an education to the happiness, enjoyment, and interests of a child is the respect that is given to our children as people. We each cherish our precious children so much, that it is only natural to want to focus on and develop them to be the best they can be. But what I have concluded is that while these philosophies esteem children for their personhood (which is indeed good), there are two things wrong with trying to romanticize childhood:
1. Children are not mini-adults. They do not have the ability to acknowledge the value of anything they do not like. Their interests, tastes, and choices are inherently immature and driven by disordered passions.
2. It is not desirable for them to stay in this state.
This is why we face the daily struggle of loving our children as they are and then trying our darnedest to change them! It makes it that much harder to know that what we are doing to them is for their own good even though they push back on us at nearly every turn. Think about any aspect of adult life - eating right, getting exercise, being faithful in all the small ways we know we should...how easy is self-discipline for any of us? How many of us truly do all the good things we know we should? The fact is, it is tough for all of us, right? To know the good, and to choose it. A hard enough expectation for adults, let alone our children.
So, this is what I personally communicate to my children as we go through our days. It is the life of faithfulness in small things, the life of virtue in choosing the good things over the easy things. It is what we remind ourselves of in prayer, we convict ourselves of as we prepare for Confession, and what we encourage each other in as we read our stories and study our lessons. This is why classical education seeks wisdom and cultivates virtue. It's like a garden that is constantly tended in order to produce fruit. These are active, active, active pursuits - NOT a passive reception of good things.
In my experience, what you are seeking does develop, praise be to God. It was not a magic formula other than what you already know to do - to just persevere and stay the course. There will be favorite things, and hated things, and a lot of in-between things. But where you are right now, with children all in grammar school or below - no, you're not feeling it yet. Don't expect it. Your work right now is to set work habits, to set obedience habits, to set standards, to build a culture. And to not see any result of your efforts. Think of it like the foundation walls of a house. They are buried in the dirt and you never see them, yet they are critical to the stability of the entire house. Cut corners, rush things, give up before it's finished and you will get a bit of relief, but you will not see the effect of your shortcut until later - when the house is rocky and cracks begin to show. You are in the thankless zone where it's all work and not a lot of reward. But have faith. Take it to prayer every day. Be reminded that all that time these children were being prepared before their birth, you had nothing much to do with them other than to feed your body well and give it rest. Invisible growth was taking place that was out of your control. Continue that. Feed yourselves and them on the richness of your educational path, rest well when needed, and trust that the invisible growth is taking place.
This was in my morning reflection today. I hope it helps, too:
"In the Gospels Our Lord often speaks about fidelity. He gives us the example of the faithful and prudent servant, of the valet who is good and loyal even in the smallest things, of the faithful steward, etc. So deeply has the notion of fidelity permeated the Christian that the title "faithful" is sufficient of itself to identify the disciples of Christ.
The opposite of perseverance is inconstancy, which inclines a person to break off easily from doing good or from the practice of virtue as soon as difficulties or temptations arise. Among the most frequent obstacles to faithful perseverance, the first one of all is pride, which attacks the very foundations of fidelity and weakens the will to fight difficulties and temptations...On other occasions, obstacles can have their origin in carelessness concerning little things. Our Lord himself said: He who is faithful in very little is faithful also in much. The Christian who takes care of even the smallest duties of his or her work, who struggles to keep presence of God throughout the day, who guards his senses with naturalness...these are the ones who are on the right road to being faithful when the time comes for their commitment to the call for genuine heroism." - Francis Fernandez
AMDG,
Sarah
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