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(slightly) OT: Teaching our children to manage longer term projects - HELP!

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    (slightly) OT: Teaching our children to manage longer term projects - HELP!

    All right, wise mommas. I'm coming to your for help with the teen years, managing expectations, and teaching our children to manage things on their own.
    #phew #nosmallorder

    I need some guidance from y'all about how to teach our children project management/executive functioning/adulting skills. I'm TRYING to teach my Rachel how to juggle priorities, but so far, it's falling on deaf ears. Well, maybe not deaf ears. She takes my instruction as 'yelling at her.'

    I promise, you guys, I'm not yelling. I'm explaining that SHE needs to take it upon herself to be more responsible when it comes to projects/exams/things with a due date a few weeks down the road.
    I'm trying to take into consideration that she's growing, maturing, and is probably under the influence of hormones, but I feel a little bit like Edna from the Incredibles.


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    I will remind her, "Hey, don't forget, you need to be thinking about XYZ project for Science." Or, "Hey, your Confirmation saint project is due in two weeks".
    I'm scoring about 50/50 with this approach. Some days, it's well received. Other days, her world is falling apart, and it's all my fault she hasn't studied for the Iliad exam. I'm trying to help her be prepared for things, and as a result, help myself out.

    Can I please hear some words of wisdom from mommas who have been down this path? Even if you're just a few steps ahead of me.



    Plans for 2019-20

    DD1 - 24 - College Grad and rocking her own bakery business
    DD2 - 13 - 8A Louisville HLS Cottage School and MPOA
    DS3 - 11 - 4A Louisville HLS Cottage School
    DS4 - 11 - 4A Louisville HLS Cottage School
    DD5 - 7 - MP2, Louisville HLS Cottage School
    DS6 - 5 - MP K

    [url]www.thekennedyadventures.com/all-about-our-memoria-press-homeschool[/url]

    #2
    I fill out a HLS planner for my son every week (my curriculum guide is barely legible with all the tweaking). I use the Notes section to write gentle reminders for upcoming tests, events, projects, chores.... The planner is weekly so I only have to remember to remind once a week. This takes the pressure off me. My son seems to feel that if it’s written, I’m not nagging, I’m encouraging. The bonus is I also have a written record of my gentle reminders if they happen to be ignored
    He looks at his planner all day long so there’s no way he can claim surprise when a deadline pops up. In the beginning, it was hard to keep quiet, but with time he’s learned to shoulder more responsibility for his deadlines. Good luck! Adulting is hard
    ~Sarah~

    2019-2020
    DS 8th grade MP, CTP & IEW
    DD 3rd grade MP
    DD 2nd grade MP
    DD 7th grade away school
    DD Sophomore away school

    Comment


      #3
      Great tips, Sarah. Sorry about the tough time, Dianna. How is she currently organizing her school and barn/horse work? Does she have a paper planner? Does she fill it out, or is that your job still? I know she's combining home and cottage school (and maybe MPOA?). It's a lot to keep straight.
      Festina lentē,
      Jessica P

      SY2019-2020 · 8th MP Year
      @ Home, HLN, & MPOA
      S · 10th, MPOA Henle 3
      D · 8th
      D · 5th
      S · 2nd

      Highlands Latin Nashville Cottage School

      Comment


        #4
        I second the planner idea (more below). Two of my adult kids were the Yeah-I'll-get-to-it types when I'd toss out comments. One kid was submitting the college application to the Dream School at 5 mins before the deadline (midnight). I remember it well since I was standing there with my credit card, sweat rolling down my temples, barking out the numbers so that the transaction would go through quickly. I can't recommend that particular memory-making experience.

        I thought my kids would "grow out of it", but they haven't. I have begun to realize that those patterns were influence-able in middle and high school, but now, not so much.


        So, if I could do it again, here's what I would do. I'd purchase a WOW BEAUTIFUL planner for your daughter. Like, Erin Condren or something like that. Add cute stickers and pretty pens (shout out for erasable Frixion pens). Then, mentor her like you are her boss: fix a time in the week, or bi-weekly, where you sit together to add to the planner, and check on progress, like an appointment. Ask her to carry the pretty planner to classes, and add her deadlines into the planner, even if she is only using the Notes section. By setting an expectation that you will "plan" together, you take out the "bossy" feel of your comments. Then you can begin to say, "Have you checked your planner for the week?"


        Now to sound sexist. A pretty planner would have definitely worked on my daughter, but *not* on my son. That would have left him colder than Antarctica.



        Jen
        DS, 26 yrs, graduated from MIT (Aerospace), recently completed the design and execution of unhackable military software... in his spare time.

        DS, 24 yrs, graduated from SIU's School of Business, ENGAGED!

        DD, 21 yrs, Senior in Education at The Catholic University of America in Washington, DC

        DS, 11 yrs, 6M: complete!

        All homeschooled.

        Comment


          #5
          Check out this video with Jen T and Cheryl Swope. In the middle Cheryl talks about a diving board analogy. You might want Rachel at the high dive, but she still might be at the low dive! https://www.memoriapress.com/streami...hering-videos/. Ok, I can not figure out how to post the specific one. It is titled “Organized for Life”.
          Last edited by howiecram; 02-12-2019, 08:33 AM.
          Christine

          (2019/2020)
          DD1 8/23/09 - SC5/6
          DS2 9/1/11 - SC3,4, 5/6 combo
          DD3 2/9/13 -SC2 to start, MP1 second semester

          Previous Years
          DD 1 (MPK, SC2 (with AAR), SC3, SC4’
          DS2 (SCB, SCC, MPK, SC2)
          DD3 (SCA, SCB, Jr. K workbooks, soaking up from the others, MPK)

          Comment


            #6
            Definitely watch Cheryl’s diving board explanation!

            I just started “planner day” for my boys (12, 14, 15). They’re supposed to fill out their planners during Study Hall at co-op, or by Tuesday morning at the latest. I then ask to see them so I can check for any holes or suggest a better flow (“With your quiz on Friday, it would be a good idea to schedule study time on Wednesday as well.”) My boys know that this is part of my job as teacher/mom and that I’m coaching them towards good habits.

            For my 12yo, I also made a reference sheet (attached) so that he remembers how many times a week to schedule certain studies. It also helps me remember what should be there when I review his planner!

            That being said, my oldest flat out refused to use a planner because it overwhelms him. He kept forgetting to submit things, working on things at the last minute, etc. So I told him I didn’t care what his planner looked like (grid, list, etc) but he had until 5pm that evening to figure it out a planner that worked for him and to plan the rest of the week. If it wasn’t done there would be consequences.

            The result? He figured it out by the deadline and told me a few days later how much easier it makes things for him. Why yes, child, I’m sure it does ?
            Attached Files
            Last edited by jen1134; 02-12-2019, 10:12 AM.
            Jennifer
            Blog: [url]www.seekingdelectare.com[/url]

            DS16
            MP: Lit 10, VideoText Algebra
            MPOA: High School Comp. II
            HSC: Spanish I, Conceptual Physics, Modern European History, and electives

            DS15
            MP: Biology, Lit 10, VideoText Algebra, Greek Tragedies
            MPOA: High School Comp. II, Fourth Form Latin
            HSC: Modern European History

            DS12
            7M with:
            Second Form Latin, EGR III, and HSC for US History

            DS11
            SC Level 4

            DD9
            3A, with First Form Latin (long story!)

            DD7/8
            Still in SC Level 2

            DD 4/5
            SC Level C

            Comment


              #7
              Um, Dianna, I wish I had a magic bullet for you...but we are still figuring it out too! This is the age at which I help them write out their own planners, but they are by no means experts at following them yet. I did not see the diving board analogy video, but the comment above about wanting them to be somewhere they just aren't yet would be true in our case. I see signs of progress that give me hope and that make me trust the capacity is there, but we just keep working at it.

              For me, I try to treat her like a grown up child first. I see how that goes. But I am still not to the point of letting her fall flat on her face with anything because for this particular child, it would be too devastating. So yes, if something appears to be taking too long, I step in and guide the ship for her. But then the next time something comes up, I give her the chance to do the grown up thing first, and see if that's "good" with her. If not, I help. Sometimes she rises to the occasion, sometimes she doesn't. I figure, we still have five years at least to have it all sorted out.

              God bless, dear friend,
              AMDG,
              Sarah

              ETA: But I have so many references from Incredibles stuck in my head too! Too funny!
              2019-2020 - 9th Year with MP
              DD, 18, Homeschool grad; Art major/philosophy minor
              DS, 16
              DD, 14
              DD, 12
              DD, 10
              DD, 7.5
              DD, 5.5
              +DS+
              DS, 18 months

              Comment


                #8
                Part of the challenge is finding the balance between scaffolding and “doing everything for them”.

                My rule of thumb: if letting them fail is not triggering improved habits then it’s a sign they truly NEED you to step in.

                Work WITH them, hold them ACCOUNTABLE, and SLOWLY DECREASE the help AFTER the habit has been SOLID for 2-3 months. Rinse and repeat until they’re independent. Depending on the child, this process may take years to complete — but they will become FAR more capable adults if you approach it this way.
                Jennifer
                Blog: [url]www.seekingdelectare.com[/url]

                DS16
                MP: Lit 10, VideoText Algebra
                MPOA: High School Comp. II
                HSC: Spanish I, Conceptual Physics, Modern European History, and electives

                DS15
                MP: Biology, Lit 10, VideoText Algebra, Greek Tragedies
                MPOA: High School Comp. II, Fourth Form Latin
                HSC: Modern European History

                DS12
                7M with:
                Second Form Latin, EGR III, and HSC for US History

                DS11
                SC Level 4

                DD9
                3A, with First Form Latin (long story!)

                DD7/8
                Still in SC Level 2

                DD 4/5
                SC Level C

                Comment


                  #9
                  Originally posted by PrarieGirl View Post
                  I fill out a HLS planner for my son every week (my curriculum guide is barely legible with all the tweaking). I use the Notes section to write gentle reminders for upcoming tests, events, projects, chores.... The planner is weekly so I only have to remember to remind once a week. This takes the pressure off me. My son seems to feel that if it’s written, I’m not nagging, I’m encouraging. The bonus is I also have a written record of my gentle reminders if they happen to be ignored
                  He looks at his planner all day long so there’s no way he can claim surprise when a deadline pops up. In the beginning, it was hard to keep quiet, but with time he’s learned to shoulder more responsibility for his deadlines. Good luck! Adulting is hard
                  I haven't even thought about handing over my curriculum guide --- it would work for her 'core' subjects to an extent -- Latin, Lit, Comp and Classical Studies. I would just have to make sure weeks matched up, etc.

                  She hasn't ever worked out of a planner. So, that may be step one.
                  Plans for 2019-20

                  DD1 - 24 - College Grad and rocking her own bakery business
                  DD2 - 13 - 8A Louisville HLS Cottage School and MPOA
                  DS3 - 11 - 4A Louisville HLS Cottage School
                  DS4 - 11 - 4A Louisville HLS Cottage School
                  DD5 - 7 - MP2, Louisville HLS Cottage School
                  DS6 - 5 - MP K

                  [url]www.thekennedyadventures.com/all-about-our-memoria-press-homeschool[/url]

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Originally posted by pickandgrin View Post
                    Great tips, Sarah. Sorry about the tough time, Dianna. How is she currently organizing her school and barn/horse work? Does she have a paper planner? Does she fill it out, or is that your job still? I know she's combining home and cottage school (and maybe MPOA?). It's a lot to keep straight.
                    Hmm. How is she currently organizing?

                    Ha.

                    Mom is organizing. Meaning, I say the things above -- gentle reminders of things, etc. She doesn't keep anything written down, except fun stuff on her calendar in her room. Fun things like barn days, horse shows, youth group, etc.

                    I've tried daily assignment lists -- spiral notebooks, or a printed post it note, and those work well --- BUT not with the challenge of long range things, or gently encouraging her to TAKE RESPONSIBILITY herself.

                    Some days, she's on top of things, and I think, "OK, she's got this." Then other times, she will totally whiff, and miss an assignment altogether in the MPOA.

                    And yes --- she is juggling home, cottage school, barn and MPOA.

                    I don't mind writing things out for her to get started --- but I don't want to spend that time and energy, if she's not even going to bother to look at it.
                    Looks like we will be having a discussion tomorrow.
                    Plans for 2019-20

                    DD1 - 24 - College Grad and rocking her own bakery business
                    DD2 - 13 - 8A Louisville HLS Cottage School and MPOA
                    DS3 - 11 - 4A Louisville HLS Cottage School
                    DS4 - 11 - 4A Louisville HLS Cottage School
                    DD5 - 7 - MP2, Louisville HLS Cottage School
                    DS6 - 5 - MP K

                    [url]www.thekennedyadventures.com/all-about-our-memoria-press-homeschool[/url]

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Originally posted by Jen (formerly) in Japan View Post
                      I second the planner idea (more below). Two of my adult kids were the Yeah-I'll-get-to-it types when I'd toss out comments. One kid was submitting the college application to the Dream School at 5 mins before the deadline (midnight). I remember it well since I was standing there with my credit card, sweat rolling down my temples, barking out the numbers so that the transaction would go through quickly. I can't recommend that particular memory-making experience.

                      I thought my kids would "grow out of it", but they haven't. I have begun to realize that those patterns were influence-able in middle and high school, but now, not so much.


                      So, if I could do it again, here's what I would do. I'd purchase a WOW BEAUTIFUL planner for your daughter. Like, Erin Condren or something like that. Add cute stickers and pretty pens (shout out for erasable Frixion pens). Then, mentor her like you are her boss: fix a time in the week, or bi-weekly, where you sit together to add to the planner, and check on progress, like an appointment. Ask her to carry the pretty planner to classes, and add her deadlines into the planner, even if she is only using the Notes section. By setting an expectation that you will "plan" together, you take out the "bossy" feel of your comments. Then you can begin to say, "Have you checked your planner for the week?"


                      Now to sound sexist. A pretty planner would have definitely worked on my daughter, but *not* on my son. That would have left him colder than Antarctica.



                      Jen
                      Oh Jen! That applying 5 min before the deadline KILLS me. EEEEK. If I know about something, and have the brain power and energy, I would rather GET IT DONE, so that it's not hanging over my head.

                      I LOVE THIS IDEA of a pretty planner. And not sexist at all. This would speak to Rachel, with fun pens and stickers and such. The boys? Heck no. My husband writes things down on the backs of envelopes. I'm all like, "We have MILLIONS OF NOTEBOOKS --- please use those!"
                      Plans for 2019-20

                      DD1 - 24 - College Grad and rocking her own bakery business
                      DD2 - 13 - 8A Louisville HLS Cottage School and MPOA
                      DS3 - 11 - 4A Louisville HLS Cottage School
                      DS4 - 11 - 4A Louisville HLS Cottage School
                      DD5 - 7 - MP2, Louisville HLS Cottage School
                      DS6 - 5 - MP K

                      [url]www.thekennedyadventures.com/all-about-our-memoria-press-homeschool[/url]

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Originally posted by howiecram View Post
                        Check out this video with Jen T and Cheryl Swope. In the middle Cheryl talks about a diving board analogy. You might want Rachel at the high dive, but she still might be at the low dive! https://www.memoriapress.com/streami...hering-videos/. Ok, I can not figure out how to post the specific one. It is titled “Organized for Life”.
                        Off to watch that one!
                        Plans for 2019-20

                        DD1 - 24 - College Grad and rocking her own bakery business
                        DD2 - 13 - 8A Louisville HLS Cottage School and MPOA
                        DS3 - 11 - 4A Louisville HLS Cottage School
                        DS4 - 11 - 4A Louisville HLS Cottage School
                        DD5 - 7 - MP2, Louisville HLS Cottage School
                        DS6 - 5 - MP K

                        [url]www.thekennedyadventures.com/all-about-our-memoria-press-homeschool[/url]

                        Comment


                          #13
                          We use Order out of Chaos Planners for my oldest two. Dianna, my ninth grader is scheduling ALL his own work his year! I'm over here gasping every time I look at it---I still can't believe it's finally worked and that's not my job anymore! It can happen, but it's not going to be fast. I do like the long term vision a paper planner provides. I like writing in something five weeks away then backing out the work each of the weeks before to make sure it gets done. I love Jen & Jen's ideas about planners and coaching and patience. A student who can schedule themself *before* college age; can you even imagine it?! It's a worthwhile goal to set for you two as a team and give yourselves time and grace to figure out out. And celebrate small victories!
                          Festina lentē,
                          Jessica P

                          SY2019-2020 · 8th MP Year
                          @ Home, HLN, & MPOA
                          S · 10th, MPOA Henle 3
                          D · 8th
                          D · 5th
                          S · 2nd

                          Highlands Latin Nashville Cottage School

                          Comment

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