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S.O.S.!!! 13 year old son!

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    S.O.S.!!! 13 year old son!

    S.O.S!!! My thirteen year old son is going to kill me. Will I make it through the rest of the year with this smart child who has appeared to lose his brain cells? All he wants to do is have fun. I fear for his future and that he will never take school seriously. This is just a phase, right?
    DS, 15, 10th grade
    DS, 12, 7th grade

    #2
    Yes. 100%. You will both make it through. Hang tight, mama.
    Festina lentē,
    Jessica P

    2020-2021
    11th year HSing · 9th year MP
    @ Home, HLN, & Latin online
    11th, 9th, 6th, 3rd

    Highlands Latin Nashville Cottage School

    Comment


      #3
      Agreed. Totally a phase. Hang on tight. It's a lot like a roller coaster for the next.....um...well, I can't say how long yet! Ours is 15 and we're still on it!

      HA!
      AMDG,
      Sarah
      2020-2021
      16th Year HSing; 10th Year with MP
      DD, 19, Homeschool grad; college sophomore
      DS, 16
      DD, 14
      DD, 12
      DD, 10
      DD, 8
      DD, 6
      +DS+
      DS, 2

      Comment


        #4
        So, around that age, I began to see that my sons needed to test their budding sense of limits and independence. I simply asked my husband to step in for a greater role in demanding the boys' compliance. That did the trick. Every single human needs to understand his limits at some point.

        I've noticed that homeschool husbands can get pretty comfortable with their wives keeping the plate spinning act going (but, but, but wives are so good at it!). Inviting Husband into the raising of his son into a man is often the moment he has been waiting for.

        So, yes, it's a phase: the phase where you Mama step back to being primarily your son's beloved mother, and your husband steps up to model Being a Man in terms of responsibilities, commitments, and how to treat others.

        You wanna do this now, because, most likely, more limit testing is still in your future.




        Jen
        DS, 27 yrs, graduated from MIT (Aerospace)

        DS, 25 yrs, graduated from SIU's School of Business, ENGAGED!

        DD, 22 yrs, graduated from The Catholic University of America in Washington, DC; 2nd grade teacher.

        DS, 12 yrs, 8th grade; attends a private classical school, 7th - 12th.

        All homeschooled for some/all of their K-12 education.

        Me: retired after 16 years of continuous homeschooling. Ahhh....

        Comment


          #5
          Totally agree with Jen, per the usual!
          More involvement - both after the fact (helping boys learn to deal with consequences of their behavior and/or disrespect), but also before...as in, get them doing more things together to model how you want them to be as a man.

          And then you have to be diligent. It is easy, since we are the ones home all day, to stay in the cycle of "go to mom" for everything. But gradually, you need to keep reiterating, "go to your dad for this." It takes patience and growth, but it's for the best.

          AMDG,
          Sarah
          2020-2021
          16th Year HSing; 10th Year with MP
          DD, 19, Homeschool grad; college sophomore
          DS, 16
          DD, 14
          DD, 12
          DD, 10
          DD, 8
          DD, 6
          +DS+
          DS, 2

          Comment


            #6
            So well said, Jen & Sarah! Another key component can be physical exertion. Maybe dad can help with some ideas of actual hard work that needs to be done that can be assigned to your son for chores---lawn work, hauling things, chopping wood, or repetitive inside tasks like laundry & dishes. Doing meaningful, valuable-to-the-family, non-school related work is a way to help the maturing process because it gives a playing field on which to practice. If it builds muscles and induces sweat, so much the better.
            Festina lentē,
            Jessica P

            2020-2021
            11th year HSing · 9th year MP
            @ Home, HLN, & Latin online
            11th, 9th, 6th, 3rd

            Highlands Latin Nashville Cottage School

            Comment


              #7
              Thank you all! We are doing many of the things suggested here, like regular chores and physical activity. He spends a lot of time jumping on our trampoline and plays basketball, too. My husband works from home, so he steps in if things get heated. I just want this child to realize his education is important and he should treat it like a gift. Maybe that's asking too much of someone in the middle of hormonal turbulence who is preoccupied with drumming and sports?
              DS, 15, 10th grade
              DS, 12, 7th grade

              Comment


                #8
                Originally posted by Sugarbelle View Post
                I just want this child to realize his education is important and he should treat it like a gift. Maybe that's asking too much of someone in the middle of hormonal turbulence who is preoccupied with drumming and sports?
                Yes, it might be asking too much. :-) They look so much bigger than they really are inside. We can require them to be respectful and to do their schoolwork and chores in a timely manner, but spontaneous gratitude and seeing the big picture are things that are going to come much later. And, as mentioned above, it's really Dad who is going to help him get there. For my part, I try to stay interested in what they're interested in, let them stay up later than the pre-teen siblings to talk with us, and make sure I keep up some kind of physical touch--pat on the back, side hug, whatever they are okay with.
                Catherine

                2020-21
                DS17
                DS15
                DS13
                DD13
                DS8
                DD5
                DS 2.5

                Homeschooling 4 with MP
                2 in classical school

                Comment


                  #9
                  All the above,I agree with.

                  I’d also like to mention that for my big giant 13 year old, food is a key factor in the happiness of our household haha. He, truly, eats like a Hobbit. So, on my end I keep a good supply of healthy protein-heavy snacks that he can grab n go throughout the day, and I make sure our meals are full of protein and veggies and carbs. We do ALL of his schooling at the kitchen table now, because he pretty much constantly eats lol.

                  A friend of mind gave me the following advice when I was lamenting about my 13 yr old and the troubles we’d started having - “When things get rough, try the three S’s: Sleep, Snuggles, and a Sandwich”. So far, for the smaller things and the just-developmental things, this advice has served me well. Sometimes he’s tired, sometimes he just needs to hit the pause button and get some one on one love and yes, even snuggle time - and other times he just needs food.

                  New MP Mama - late to the party, starting in middle school! :cool:

                  DS13: MP Charter Edition: FFL, FMOG, CC Fable/Narrative, FSFrench, Poetry for Grammar Stage, Book of Insects, 7th Grade Lit studies

                  DD10: MP Charter Edition: Grammar School Latin, FMOR, FSFrench, Poetry for the Grammar Stage, Book of Trees, 5th Grade Lit studies

                  [url]www.upabovetherowantree.com[/url]

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Yes, it's a phase. When my first born hit it, I despaired. I thought I had made all the wrong decisions and ruined her! Then, just as she came out of it and became a normal person again, child #2 hit it. And I realized: oh! this is a thing!

                    One thing I did that helped --- I made a deliberate effort to hug her and say positive things as often as I could. We seemed to clash so much of the time! But I was intentional about being positive and affectionate even when I honestly was annoyed with her. :-) I think that helped our relationship endure through all the conflict. Hang in there.
                    Melanie
                    2019-2020 ~ 6th MP year; 11th year homeschooling
                    DD16 ~ 10th grade MPOA diploma program
                    DD13 ~ 8th grade
                    DS11 ~ 5th grade

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Originally posted by melaneesa View Post
                      Yes, it's a phase. When my first born hit it, I despaired. I thought I had made all the wrong decisions and ruined her! Then, just as she came out of it and became a normal person again, child #2 hit it. And I realized: oh! this is a thing!

                      One thing I did that helped --- I made a deliberate effort to hug her and say positive things as often as I could. We seemed to clash so much of the time! But I was intentional about being positive and affectionate even when I honestly was annoyed with her. :-) I think that helped our relationship endure through all the conflict. Hang in there.
                      YES, I totally agree with being purposeful about affection and positive words/praise as often as possible, even when they are really prickly and hard to get along with.
                      My 13 yo boy is a toughie...very moody, frustrates at the drop of a hat, etc. But he's also this amazing young man through which God is going to do incredible things. I'm starting to see little glimpses of that, and it makes my mama heart feel so full.

                      So to keep the moodiness at bay, I make sure he eats protein every 2 hours, sweats really hard at least 4-5 times each week, and goes to bed with his light out by 10pm. Otherwise he's a bear, as he will readily admit!!!
                      Mama to 5 Sweet Ones

                      2020-2021:
                      10th grade DS: Mix of MP materials, MPOA, and local classes
                      8th grade DD: 8M and 3rd Form with MPOA
                      6th grade DD: Mostly 6M
                      4th Grade DD: Mostly 4NU
                      3.5 yo DS: Copious amounts of time outside beating on things with sticks; MP Preschool and Mom Extras 2-3 days a week

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Thank you for the suggestions, everyone! I'm glad to hear we're not alone.
                        DS, 15, 10th grade
                        DS, 12, 7th grade

                        Comment

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